Breath and Move Forward

It was last year when I realized my worth. I had few people around me that I thought would still be with me today. But I was wrong. As the year ends, our ties ended too.

First was the man I thought I'd be spending my whole life with. Everything about us started quickly that I didn't even expect us to last a year. But what a relief, what a beautiful gift that we even reached our fourth year together. It was hard to stay that long knowing we were miles apart. It was hard that we only see each other personally once or twice a year and the rest will be on cam. But we made it. We reach 4 years like that.

Everything was challenging but we came that far. We thought we'd be together longer than 4 years. We even spent a few months together with his whole family across the sea. That's when and where I was slapped by reality. It wasn't him or them. It was me who stepped back. I felt my status in his life. And that I found I'm not his priority. I'm just someone who he needed but not what he wanted and he desired.

But that's fine. I made a decision I know I'd regret someday but will make me proud too. I did cry day and night. It was tough. I can't even breathe with the heavy feeling inside me.

Lucky I have my family and friends. I made sure I didn't look devastated because I want my family to see that I am ok. But my friends knew what I feel.

I had one close friend. She was with me through all my emotional and mental calamity when I was away, alone and lonely at a place no one ever understand how I feel. She was my diary. She listened to every word I say that tears can't tell. She cared and worried when I didn't respond to her messages. She was the one who gave me strength when I almost lost my confidence. Because of her, I didn't lose with that emotional distress. I didn't lose when I turned my back on some people. But.. I lose her...

She left me just like I left the man I thought I'd grow old with. She just stopped talking to me just what I did to him. She read my messages but she didn't bother to write back...

Such a quick slap to my face...

I did miss them. I mean I am missing them. I was happy that I had them. And I know I'd be happier if they were still with me now.

But that's ok.

Life can be deceiving. It'll let you meet people you'll thought would be with you for a long time. People will last a lifetime with you. It'll break you and tear you when you lose them. It'll give you scars and memories you'll miss some time...

Can't even say anything while reminiscing all of those memories. Tried stopping but tears keep falling with how painful it is to remember them as just part of my past. It still hurts me. It still burdens me inside. I miss them. Him.. and her. I miss those people who made me feel important. ..those who made me cry but gave me happy memories of my life.

#c.aydar #e.r.godoy #mylove #mybaby #lover #friend #missingyou #missingthem #wave151 #rathfamily #aydarfamily