Howling at the Stars

18

So, I wondered. Fight or flight?

When Bella had gotten into her accidents, falling or knocking stuff over or nearly being crushed by my crush's runaway van: that wasn't an emergency any more. That was normal everyday Isabella and I could see it and react calmly.

When Victoria had grabbed me, I'd had no time to react, had been drugged and taken before I even knew what was happening.

When James attacked me in the ballet studio, I'd been unable to move and unable to fight.

Now that I thought about it, life had taught me that fighting wasn't really an option. To be resigned to it all. And I'd been trying to convince myself that I was.

But I wasn't.

I was scared.

And I wanted to live.

Jacob hung up my phone and scooped me up into his arms, looking like he wanted to say something about the way my body was starting to tremble but staying silent instead. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he hurried down the stairs, heading straight out the back door without saying anything. I looked up at his face and found his eyes darting around, searching for a sign of the vampire or maybe for anybody who might see us. We entered the woods at the border of my backyard and cut off the last bit of warmth that had been leaking through the clouds. I started to shiver, realizing that I didn't have a coat, gloves, or even freaking shoes. In comparison, Jacob burned too hot where my skin met his and just made my fear worse as it reminded me that he wasn't just Jake anymore.

"Crap." Jake made to set me down and then jolted back up. "Crap!"

"Should we go back to the house?" I was shaking, terror and cold seeping into me so that I felt like I had no control over my own body.

"I want to get to Sam. Or somebody." Jacob bit his lip, apparently finding that his quick thinking in getting us out of the tiny attic had actually been a bad thing. He turned so that we could both see that last glimpse of my house, a sliver through the thick trees. "If there's one vamp we didn't know about..."

"There might be more?"

"I don't know... This redhead vamp... Gen, I think we just need to get out of here." He moved to set me down again and I clung to his neck confused.

"What are you doing?"

"Genevieve, it'll go faster if I'm a-"

I pressed myself against him, closing my eyes and burying my face in his chest. "No."

I knew it was stupid. That I was reverting back to the panicked girl I'd been almost a year ago. But all this time I'd spent trying to get better... I'd been removed from the threat. I guess I'd had time to start pushing the reality of it all away. And getting thrown back into it, having my return into that world begin by the sight of Jacob as a monster? Jacob? Only as a last resort.

I felt like the walls were caving in around me but if I could hang on to that thought... if I could keep Jake just a little while longer...

"Gen, Genevieve, stay with me." Jacob sounded terrified. "Gen? Gen, you're safe, remember?"

"I'm fine. Just..." I pretended that the arms tightening around me were human, that he was holding me only because he wanted to. "Let's just go, ok?"

"Your coat..."

I could act reasonably about that at least. "We should get to Sam. I'm ok." I took a shaky breath and looked up at him. "If you can carry me, then I am ok."

Jake took one last look around, searching the trees and turning to check behind us for a sign of the monster that might be hunting us. Then he took off at a sprint, not quite bothering to hold me steady as we made our way at breakneck speed through the woods that surrounded Forks.