Out of Nothing

To Return From Emptiness

1889999, 1890000, 1890001...

"Shit..." I whisper as I round yet another thousand without so much as the slightest change in my situation. I'll be nearing two million soon. I thought a million was unreasonable, and yet here I'm about to double it as if one million were just the beginning!

"Heheh", I start to laugh at my naive past self for having no idea what I was getting into, until my self-loathing smile suddenly fades. This is just the beginning too, isn't it... A shiver rolls through my sunken shoulders as I consider a thought. Just how much larger than two million is infinity?

Just how much longer am I going to have to keep walking?

My pulse starts to race. I can't do this. I really can't. I need to go somewhere. Anywhere. This is all too much. I can't do this any longer! Let me out. Get me out of here now!

I can't control my breathing, it's erratic. My heart is trying to escape my rib cage, and I grab at my chest to hold it back. Just how many times have I fallen to my knees in a panic at consideration for how long I'll be trapped here? I'm so tired of this, my eyes feel swollen. I want to sleep again, but if I do that every single time I find myself in this state, it'll end up an addiction. I can't afford to be reckless.

That's right... There's still about nineteen thousand more steps to go before I even reach two million. That's no small number. I might find something between now and then. No need to start losing myself just yet.

I just need to occupy my mind with something again. How about a game? What's a good traveling game? None that's any fun to play by myself probably, but at least I can keep myself company.

Ah, I know.

...

"Hellooo? I said, I spy with my little eye..."

"Stop".

"Oh come on, you didn't like any of my other games, and you didn't even let me finish", Zero complains with a pout that's failing quite marvelously at covering up a smirk.

"That's an awful game. I don't like it". Truly the worst possible game that has ever existed.

"What! I might have seen something, you know" Zero chimes, looking innocently around us.

How bothersome. "Alright". Finish your clever joke so talk of this awful game can end. "What did you see?"

Zero pauses proudly for dramatic effect before revealing the answer, looking straight at my face. "Something stupid".

...  "I will untie this scarf".

"You wouldn't". Zero flashes a daring smile at me. What a dangerous acquaintance I've acquired.

I speed up my pace, refusing to admit defeat.

"Hey..." Zero whispers, easily keeping up with me, in a soft tone I've not heard recently. "You were counting again, weren't you?"

Ah, damn it. I guess my brief space out wouldn't have gone unnoticed.

"You know, you really don't need to anymore. It's okay..." Zero looks over to me with caution before muttering "There's no point anyways..."

"I know", I do want to be able to give it up, I do. This place is our home now, a world belonging solely to us. We've both decided to try our best to accept that and set aside looking for an escape, but still. "We don't have much, do we..." These steps, no matter how far I had walked, for as long as I remember, since the very beginning, besides Zero, they are the only thing I've ever been able to acquire. Moreover, I still don't know why us meeting has been an exception.