Resurgence

5. Relapse

“Part of recovery is relapse.” – Steven Adler.

•••

The sole occupant of the house that greeted him as he stepped into the front porch was pristine silence. That was the routine everyday: He returning back to his fortress of solitude in dampened spirits, in the hopes that without effecting any change on his work-oriented life, the setting in place could be altered to a less lonely one. Truth be told, he would spend less time at work if his house had a little more warmth in it―even if it was the tiniest bit of warmth.

Tari had gone above and beyond in making the house more than inhabitable with intricate and explicit design. It was a five bedroom duplex that had rooms with consistent designs of walls adorned with granulated pebbles, curtains pleated in satin freckled sequins and carpets embroidered with floral patterns. Glass panels were also dominant in the house, giving it a modern loft appeal. Yet, all of these weren’t enough to placate his state of mind.

It wasn’t his fault though.

As a result of the harsh constraints of his background, he had been forced to prioritize career pursuits over every other thing in life. More than friends, human company, and love. And now he was paying the price for it. He was in his late twenties, yet he couldn’t lay claim to anyone that would refer to him as a loved one, when outlining the names of the people that were dearest to their hearts. Even his own family would only refer to him on the grounds of sentiments and obligation, and not really because he was viewed as true family.

He wondered if it was too late.

Was it too late to change lanes, re-orientate his race and give himself a new destination? Was it too late to pick up the phone and call the numerous set of friends that he had simply neglected since concluding his journey in school? Was it too late to plead for a second chance, and a shot at redemption? Was it too late to recover his lost treasure? Back then as a result of the school’s setting, he had had the most valuable and paramount thing in life without taking cognizance of it. He was fooled into believing it was something else, and now he was paying the price.
 
Why relapse now, though?

In the past, many lonely, haunting days like the current one had been prevalent. Yet, they had never dazed him so much to the point, that he felt like he was drowning in quicksand. In fact, he had gotten so accustomed to the solitary nature of his life―and accepted that a life defined by love was probably not one for everybody. But, the reason why it stung him so hard today was as clear as day.

Lani.

Interacting with her in the duration of two days made him realize, that his feelings for her never vanished but only went dormant as a result of her absence in his life. Now that she was back in his life, he couldn’t help but crave for more of her presence in it. The more he pondered on it, the more he realized, that he probably wasn’t in want of the company of any other person. Just hers.

Now slumped on the center couch of his wide, spacious living room, he pulled out his grey, Samsung S9 and navigated to his call log. Lani had been the one person he had contacted all through the week, and pretty much in the space of one month. How pathetic to be this sorry for himself. It wasn’t his style, as he always prided himself on the fact that he mastered the rudiments of living his current life.

His gaze remained rooted to her name on the screen, and he didn’t know when he tapped the phone panel to place a call to her line. He didn’t know what he was doing really, but he figured he wasn’t going to do much thinking and just go through with it. It was when the ringing ceased, and a voice came up on the other end that he realized the gravity of his action.