Shitfaced

To someone

To My Dani Lion,

Little Lion, I know you're happy with someone else. A silly boy who treats you like a queen, who teases you making you blush. I bet he makes you giggle like a school girl until you snort loudly. I bet he protects you and holds you close. I bet you even let him take something from you that I could never; your virginity. I hope that he makes you the happiest little girl alive. I hope that you know I never wanted to hurt you.

Dani Lion, I truly am sorry for all the pain I caused you. I am sorry for being the reason you cut and left scars on your skin. You probably aren't even reading this, but I still cling to a little bit of hope that you'll let me back into your life. I know that will never happen, we could never be friends or anything more ever again. You were a porcelain doll I found in the basement all dusty and cracked. I knew the moment I had you that I would try to fix you but all I seemed to do was make it worse. I was bad for you yet you didn't seem to care. When I touched you, you always cracked more. I patched you up with the strongest thing I had, just some old scotch tape. I began to push you away so I wouldn't hurt you but you kept coming back. I did made the stupidest mistake of my life and pushed you into someone else's arms. When I saw you, my cracked, broken doll with someone else I couldnt stand it. I lashed out, I shattered you.

Me and you had good times but bad always followed. My Danilion, I broke you, I ruined your life and I wish I could go back and fix it all. This past year without you I haven't been the same. I'm barely happy anymore. When I broke you, I also broke myself. All I ever wanted to was for you to be happy. I know you're happier with your boyfriend than you ever were with me. Don't get me wrong, I loved you so damn much and I still love you but I have realized all my mistakes. I have moved on, I'm with a dorky boy who makes me smile just thinking about him. He's a lot like you in many different ways. My heart aches every day because I know that I will never be able to forget you. I see you in everything. When I hear Hey there Delilah playing on the radio all I can think about is when you changed the lyrics for it to be "Hey there Lira" I miss that I really do.

I miss a lot of things about you though. I love you Dani but not as much as I love Garrett. Dani you will always hold a piece of my heart, I will always think of you as an angel who fell too far, landed in hell and scrapped her knee crawling out of hell. That is an inside joke between me and Emma btw. Dani, my love, I will always miss our "kids" and our "dogs". You're in the past (no offense) and you helped me with a lot. I twisted everything I told you about my family because I was afraid to tell you the truth. I lied and cheated (once which was not my fault, I explained that to you) and I hurt you. Baby girl, I will always miss you calling boobs squishy, that was my favorite thing you ever said. God, I pray every fucking night that you're okay and your brother doesn't hurt you because I fucking care so much about you.

You helped me love myself, you helped me stay out of bad things and away from bad people. You taught me how to love some body. I didn't show you that I loved you and I regret that. I regret every bad thing I did to you. I learned from my mistakes. I treat Garrett as good as I can, I give him everything thing I have (which is not much). I show him as good as I can that I love him, I am truthful with him. Well, most of the time. I'm getting better at letting people in. I'm getting better at not lying but I can't help it, I'm a pathological liar. I tell him I love him every time I get a chance. I try to make him love himself the way you made me love myself. I try to keep him happy. I try my best to be the best girlfriend for him. I'm trying not to hurt him the way I hurt you.

I am being the best me I can but I'm me, I make mistakes. I fuck up and ruin everything. I skanky crazy lair whore that doesnt deserve any love from any one. But I want love, so Dani I'm pulling my shit together and I am getting better because I dont want to make the same mistake and lose the love I so desperately want. Dani you were the best to me and I wish you the best with George or whatever the fuck his name his, forgive me you know I'm terrible with names. Dani you will forever be in my heart. You were my first love but me and you are history you are in my past and I have moved on. I thank you for believing me and loving me. I thank you because you opened my eyes.

Love, Lirabear