It was Sunday. The loneliest Sunday I've had in a while. This morning I had gone to the Bangtan house but when I entered there were only two, Namjoon and Jin, talking quietly even though they had been the only ones there.
Things were still tense between us three, the argument that raged in us days ago was left unspoken about.
Not by their will, but by mine alone.
"Jungkook can-" Namjoon had tried to speak to me.
"I just came to look for my phone charger, I have to leave." I interrupted, making up an excuse on the spot. With the best acting I could muster, I did a quick scan of the room and nod "Looks like it's not here, I'll see you guys later." I bowed my head and ducked out before they could interject any more. From the fear of them following me out to catch me, I jogged until I passed the old graffiti-filled pool and made it deep into the foresty pathway back home. Or, Father's home.
He wasn't home this morning either, apparently, he went to Church. I don't know when that had begun but perhaps it was the reason for the small changes in his attitude. He accepted the fact that I avoided him in every way possible and instead of pressuring me about track every moment he got, arguing my decision to quit, he didn't speak until I had spoken first. Which, I didn't.
I guess it was two weeks ago, that the sticky notes began. Since I wasn't talking to him he would leave me sticky notes on the door and on the table along with meals he'd prepared for me, ones that would always end in the trash rather than my stomach. They would always be hard to read, scribbled with the things he used to say before everything turned to rot. Things like "good morning son, did you sleep well? I left for work, there's breakfast on the stove and your lunch is by the door. Have a good day at school, don't stay out too late. I love you."
It felt odd to see those words. And it angered me that he would only write them and never say them. Though I guess I never gave him the chance to and I guess he never wanted to force it on me.
Now all I can do on this lonely Sunday is sit alone in the speckled woods, full of creatures and life so untainted by the world I was supposed to be a part of as I just watched them blankly.
The woods are an odd place to me, nothing more than a pathway of sorts. A portal between the world I'm supposed to be a part of and the one I want to be. Yet now, it seems I hardly belong to either.
I feel lost. A wander, homeless and ever searching.
So I get up, and I walk. My boot heavy feet take me through the hidden pathway and back out into the cemented world. They drag across the surface, lugging my purposeless body back to the white house with a blue door. Father's house. Why my feet took me here, I don't know, but at least I can perhaps have a bed to rest my oddly tired body even though the day had barely begun.
A shallow breath is all I could bring as I open the door and step in, instantly realizing my mistake. Father was here. The pen scratching at papers and the typing of keys gave him away. But it was too late for me to turn back, he noticed.
"Jungkook," He says, looking up from his work and brushing his dark greying ebony hair from his face. "Can we talk for a moment?" He asks for the first time in weeks, pushing everything he was preoccupied with to the side and focusing all and completely on me.
I don't know if it was the way his eyes turned soft looking at me or the fact that his gestures suddenly made me feel as though he was putting me first, but either way, it caused me a moment of hesitation and I nodded. Curiosity led me closer to him, but only a step or two and I waited for him to speak in silence.
"I-" He began, already overcome with emotion "I'm sorry Jungkook, that I haven't been a good father to you." He tells me, staring into my shaking eyes. "I've been so caught up with myself, the divorce and our bills to pay that I've forgotten the most important job I have."His words stab at my heart in an unusual way and they seem hard for him to admit, he closes his eyes in battle with his pride "You don't have to accept my apology but I'm sorry if I pushed you too much. It doesn't matter why you quit track, as long as you're happy I'm okay with it. "
He's apologizing?
My silent response worries him and his eyes search my uncertain ones that try to sort my thoughts.
He presses his brows together "You know I love you Jungkook, right?"
My eyes focus, looking into his concerned and hope-filled vision. I can't say the words, I can't say what he wants me to. The phrase gets stuck in my throat, choking me in expectation. I swallow.
He's saying everything I ever wanted him to say, so why am I like this?
"I- I have to go." I excuse myself, turning around and heading back out the door, running away from yet another apology.
Everything comes to an end.
YOU ARE READING
PeterPan Syndrome | JJK
Fanfiction"Can we stay like this forever?" "Everything comes to an end Jungkook,.." The boy who refused to grow up. An ode to our growing pains of youth.
