flower garden :: murphy

3

"you have to try! try for you mom and jasper. you have to try for me. i won't be able to do this without you, do you get me. you can't chose to die, that is not an option. it's not an option!" i screamed at him, tears streaming down my face.

he pulled the knife away from his arm, letting it fall to the ground. i ran over to him, stitching up his wound with some of his mothers thread. some of the salty tears from my eyes would occasionally slip and fall on his arm.

his heart was breaking more and more while watching the girl. his best friend. he couldn't bare the thought of staying in this cruel world anymore, but the thought of leaving her behind was more painful.

my body shot upright. i was panting heavily. i grabbed my jacket and walked out of the drop ship to get some fresh air.

"bad dream?" john asked, walking up behind me. "yes, except it was real" i said while turning to him. i looked him in the eyes, trying to figure him out. after a couple seconds eye contact, john broke it. i sighed and walked back. i wasn't going to waste sleep on this man.

i didn't manage to sleep after this, so i decided to stay up. i found three knifes, probably belonging to somebody here, but i needed them. i was going to find jasper.

when the sun appeared the group had already met up in front of the camp. i was ready to leave when i saw octavia limping towards us. i rolled my eyes, this isn't the time.

"are you going after jasper? i'm coming" octavia said, her mind already set.

"no, you are not going O" bellamy said in a serious tone. "bellamy's right, your leg will only slow us down anyway" clarke finished.

"can we leave?" my voice sounded extremely annoyed and threatening. hm, that's new.

we started walking and i for some reason ended up walking with john murphy. "you okay?" he asked, fiddling with his knife. i nodded fast, knowing my voice would fail me if i tried to speak.

"how did you get arrested, john?" he seemed surprised by my sudden question, but he answered anyways. "i killed someone" he started of with, as if to try and scare me away, but i stood my ground.

"this guy, maybe at the same age as us, was beating up this fourteen year old kid. i tried pushing him away, but he wouldn't let go, so eventually i punched the guy in the face. i beat him up not to bad, he was well enough to have walked away after i followed the kid back home. the day after i was arrested for murder, because the guy had died of internal bleeding afterwards" when john was finished speaking he was looking at the ground, avoiding eye contact.

"john-" i started, grabbing his hand. he yanked his hand away and interrupted me "how did you get locked up then?".

"that's a story for another time" i answered, before walking ahead. i could hear his steps quicken and he was walking beside me again.

"so you get to stay silent?" john frustratingly asks. i sigh, trying to contain my anger. "why won't you look me in the eye?" i ask, turning to him for the first time, and he was still turned away from me.

"i can't" he whispered, so low that i barely heard it. "when you stopped breathing, i froze. i didn't do anything, i just stood there. what if something happens again and bellamy's not there?" he finally answered, his eyes finally meeting mine.

"it won't, we're in this together. i'll make sure you don't freeze, or that you don't have to" we held eye contact awhile before i heard a shout.

"up ahead!" it was clarke, they had found him.
i looked at john briefly before running to the rest of the group.
they where standing in front of a clearing.

as we started walking, a shriek left my mouth as the ground beneath my disappeared. my hand was instantly grabbed. i looked up, my eyes meeting john's. he pulled me up swiftly, stumbling a little as my body hit his.

i broke our eye contact when everything went quiet, everybody was staring at us. when they noticed me looking at them they quickly turned their gazes in front. i followed their eyes.

oh how i wish i didn't. as my eyes met jaspers body, i felt my heart breaking to pieces. jasper was tied up to a tree, his body full of ugly wounds. the sight made me think of stuff i had used years to forget. i tried to ignore it, but the suffocating feeling eventually got me and i fell to the ground.

as i walked home from my dad's office, the 9 w old me could hear screaming coming from further down the hall. i ran towards the screams, wanting to help. when the screams came closer i noticed that they where coming from my apartment.

i furiously knocked on the door. after a while the screaming died down and the door opened. out came two grown men, they noticed me before running away. i walked in, confused.

"mommy?" i called out. the living room was messy, stuff everywhere. broken lamps on the ground, books in the sofa and even our tv was smashed. scared i walked towards my parents bedroom.

as i stepped inside, the smell of death jumped at me. i looked up from the ground to find my mom sitting by the bed, her eyes open.

"mommy!" i exclaimed, a grin covering my face. "you're okay!" i said while sitting beside her. i noticed something black at her abdomen, my brows furrowed and looked closer to see it was a knife handle.

the door burst open and in came loads of foot steps. tears where running down my cheeks. i had let those men kill my mom, i let them go.

it was my fault.

i woke abruptly up, inside what looked to be a tent. my breathing was quick and i could feel hot tears run down my face. "you okay?" john's voice made me jump. "y-yes" i whimpered, wrapping my arms around my body.

i heard some shifting in the bed, i was apparently in a bed, and then his arms were pulling me close to john's chest, john's bare chest.

i stiffened as i was pulled, but relaxed as soon as warmth surrounded my body. "shh, your okay" john southed.

"it's my fault" i said, repeating the same words over again. "no it's not" he reassured.

"yes it is.

i killed my mother"