Memories

All of You

"...Qian Qian, it has always been you. There was no one else before you. There will be no one else after you. Until the day of my calamity, I will only love you— Qian Qian, I love you..."

We continue where we left off.

Bai Qian was born as the youngest child of the Fox Emperor and the Fox Empress of the Qing Qiu Fox Tribe. As the fifth and only daughter, she was beloved and was rather spoiled rotten – which was why her parents had begged Zhe Yan to have her schooled in Kun Lun Mountain under the tutelage of the God of War – Mo Yuan.

When she had came back to Qing Qiu, gone was the wild and unruly fox kit everybody remembered. Having reached into her nine-tailed white fox potential, she had grown even more beautiful than before and was said to be the most beautiful goddess in all of the realms. But besides the beauty of her features, her time in Kun Lun helped her grow into her inner potentials – a compassionate, loyal, and passionate goddess. All the makings of a great queen, which befit her title as the current female monarch of Qing Qiu.

She was privileged by blood, adored by her people, revered by other immortals, and beloved by all.

Without her memories and her immortal essence, Bai Qian was Su Su – a compassionate, loyal, and passionate mortal – without the memories of being privileged, adored, revered, nor beloved.

Ye Hua's declaration of love triggered something in Bai Qian – a series of something: The butterflies were back with a vengeance, it felt more like thousands instead of the previous hundreds. Warmth spread from her insides to the rest of her body, eliminating the cold she could never get rid off after the jump. Her heart was beating wildly – and the way Ye Hua was looking at her was not helping at all.

But Su Su and Bai Qian were two sides of the same coin – closely related but with their own characteristics. Su Su was meek, Bai Qian was bold. Su Su forgave easily, Bai Qian was vindictive. Su Su was insecure, Bai Qian was prideful – she would never show her insecurity. Between the two, it was obvious that Bai Qian was the dominant one. And as such, she would do the opposite of what Su Su would have done in the same situation.

With that determination, Bai Qian walked past Ye Hua to get back to the stone platform. She sat down, summoned another cup – apparently her cup was broken when she had hit the table in her rage – and gestured for Ye Hua to sit back down with a gentle flick of her eyes.

Ye Hua had never seen this side of her. The woman before him was High Goddess Bai Qian, Queen of Qing Qiu, and it was apparent in the way she handled herself. And by the gods, Ye Hua was falling head over heels for her. Weird as it was to fall in love for two quite distinct characteristics, Ye Hua understood that Fate rarely made sense.

Raising the wine bottle in her hand, another memory popped in her head, Bai Qian murmured, "You stole me a bottle of this wine, once, when we were here the last time. Do you remember?"

Ye Hua smiled, transported to the same memory. "I do. You said the taste was familiar and that you liked it very much," he said, "you were worried that my friend might take offense that we took his wine without permission, and I told you not to worry because we won't ever be seeing him in the future." Ye Hua chuckled. "Did you tell High God Zhe Yan that we had stolen his wine?"

Bai Qian smiled mischievously. "I don't need to. Zhe Yan and I have an understanding about these things. It's good to keep him on his toes."

Murmured low, as if he was talking to himself, Ye Hua continued, "I promised to plant you some Peach Blossom trees and you said you also wanted ten miles of it..."

Bai Qian averted her eyes and chose to stare at her cup of wine instead. She didn't want to lose herself in Ye Hua's loving gaze.

"Su Su trusted you implicitly," Bai Qian said, "she didn't really expect you to plant ten miles of trees for her. She had imagined only a row of Peach Blossom trees surrounding our humble hut. It might not bloom all-year long, but she would wait patiently for each spring. You and the little one would be there with her when they bloom and that was enough for her—that was enough for us...

She trusted your love, though you've never said the words before, it mattered not for her. She has seen it, felt it, luxuriated in it. Her lonely life became filled with it. So when you disappeared the first time, she became frantic with fear. It never lessened, the fear only increased in intensity since. But still, whatever rubbish reasons you gave her, she took it in stride. For her, love outshone everything...

She was also insecure. Your undiscussed plans backfired in more ways than one. In Mount Junji, she had been alone and she was lonely, but life was bearable. In the Nine Heavens, with you and all of them there, she was lonely, but life was not bearable."

Bai Qian stopped to take a sip. Ye Hua's pained face made her want to reach out and hold his hand, but she refrained. Afraid of what a little touch might do to her.

She steeled herself and continued, "she missed her life with you, and foolishly she had thought that she might have them back again in the Nine Heavens. You were there, so of course that's where she should be. She had thought that at least you would not be missing for months anymore, that you would spend more time with her. She heard you the first and only time you've said that you must appear aloof to her in front of everybody, but that too took a toll on her. You acted so perfectly, that you also made her believe the performance. She was pregnant and her life was spared because of that. Naturally she thought that you stuck around only for the baby in her womb." Unconsciously, Bai Qian's hands moved to her midsection, protecting what was no longer there.

"Su Su didn't know then that you didn't love Su Jin. And she was not well-versed to the art of trickery, so she fell for all of Su Jin's lies. You were never around to tell her otherwise. She thought that you didn't love her anymore and that she was just a nuisance. Comforted by you only when needed, once in a while, to ensure that she'd stay healthy during her pregnancy—"

"No," he breathed, feeling the need to reconfirm what he already told her before. Hearing the words of what she had been through from the woman he loved tore another painful gash in him. The image of her suffering alone, feeling unloved, branded into his mind.

With anguished eyes, Ye Hua implored, needing her to understand her position in his heart. "Despite all of my faults that have caused you pain, physically and emotionally, the truth remains – from the very moment I caught sight of you, I've always been unequivocally in love with you – with all of you."

That caught her attention. "All of me?" she asked, bewildered.

"Su Su, the mortal you," he explained, "Bai Qian, the immortal you." Ye Hua moved to Bai Qian's side, unable to resist himself, his hand reached out to hold hers, and stopped midair. "I love you— all versions of you... Please, forgive me..."

Touched beyond belief and warmed to her core, Bai Qian asked, "did you stay with Su Jin the whole night tending to her after you took my eyes?"

Perplexed and somewhat disgusted with that imagery, Ye Hua stuttered, "what?! Preposterous! Why would I—"

"You are forgiven," Bai Qian interjected. His outraged expression was all she needed for confirmation.

Suddenly, something warm and soft was grasping Ye Hua's hand. Bai Qian's hand was meeting Ye Hua's halfway. Ye Hua grasped it tightly right away, afraid she would let go – in case she didn't plan to hold his hand in the first place. That being the first time she reached out to touch him on her own after that wretched day he took her eyes.

"Do you," he pleaded, "do you think you could love me again?"

Hands entwined with one another, eyes locked. Dark eyes brimming with tears, hope, and fear looking straight at her, Bai Qian answered.

"No..."

The hope left Ye Hua in a rush. But before he could crumble, Bai Qian declared, "I never stopped..."

In a blink of an eye, Bai Qian found herself in Ye Hua's lap, cocooned in his warmth embrace, her head nestled in the crook of his neck, and her most favourite scent in all of eight realms saturated her senses.