Paintings Of Him

Chapter 12 - Strange

Dedicated to CrystalVeturius for all her comments on my chapters and for being a new reader that isn't silent :) feel free to check out my other books and I am glad you are enjoying it! <3

Glancing over the paintings, I swallowed heavily as a dull ache filled my heart. The icy blue yet somehow soft gaze that I had recreated on the soft canvas sent shivers down my spine. There was something strange about how a simple painting or drawing of his face could still open up the gates for the butterflies to erupt into my stomach, my eyes softening immediately.

My eyes scanned over each stroke of the brush, every ripple of color that blended into the image of the boy that I had fallen for over the years. They usually filled me with joy, as I watched him smile or laugh or pull a silly face. I could never draw him when he was sad. His eyes sparkled and the icy blue in his eyes shone brighter with the sun shining through my window.

I would usually feel a familiar smile fall over my face, but all I could think of was him smiling at Rhea and a sick feeling settled into my stomach.

Somehow I thought that it would get easier, seeing him with her and watching his face light up when she walked into the room. But it still felt like someone was grabbing onto the knife in my gut, slowly twisting it around until it all turned numb. 

When Corbin eventually came home, it was late and I was pushing my dinner around my plate with a sigh. Every moment that ticked by made my face fall, knowing that the longer that they talked, the more likely it would be that something would happen between them once more. It was inevitable for feelings to take a while to fade, and I should know that better than anyone. 

"Hi" he mumbled awkwardly, shuffling on his feet lightly. "Did you already eat?"

I looked down at my plate and then raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Oh, uh-sorry" he coughed, "I didn't expect to be out for so long, I would have grabbed something with you."

I tucked a curl behind my ear and shrugged carelessly. "Things went well then I presume?"

I wanted it to come off in a casual tone but my shoulders were stiff and judging by the deep sigh he let out, he could hear the desperation in my voice. He looked into my eyes deeply, scanning them before clenching his jaw, looking down and shaking his head. 

"Don't do that, Clara" he muttered. 

I tightened my grip on my fork. "You were the one who said that we were going to try and be friends. We can't even have a normal conversation now, is that it?"

Keep the smile on your face, I told myself forcefully, make it seem like you don't care.

"Sorry" he sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I just feel like shit for talking about this to you. I don't want you to hear it."

I shrugged and swallowed my last bite, picking my plate up suddenly. "If you want to be friends then I guess we need to get used to it, Corbin. There is no easy way around this and honestly...I would just rather pretend that everything is normal between us."

He cracked a small smile. "You want to go back to hating me again?"

"Technically I was pretending to hate you" I tried to laugh but then saw his face fall, "...hey, I am trying to joke around, here. I don't want to see that face again."

"What face?" he frowned slightly. 

"The pity" I raised an eyebrow as I sat back down after washing my plate. "We might as well get past it, okay? So tell me...how did it go? Did you guys talk things over?"

"Uh...yeah" he sat down opposite me awkwardly. "It was nice to talk to her again, you know? She's been gone for so long..."

I nodded and tilted my head. "I bet it was hard for you when she left."

"Yeah" his voice was tight as he looked down at his hands. "Really hard."

"Well" I tried to smile and pushed down the sick feeling gathering in my stomach, "looks like she will be sticking around, right? She said she has a job here now..."

He nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah, she will be around I guess."

"Do you think you will hang out with her sometimes?" I shrugged. "It must be nice to see her again, make up for lost time. She has always been so sweet, great to talk to."

He looked up at and his voice was soft. "Yeah, she is."

I hated the soft look in his eyes as he studied me, making me realize that he was probably running through my words, thinking about how great she was. Rhea really was great and I was glad he had found a girl who truly cared about him. When you love someone, you want them to be happy but sometimes I just wish that it could have been me. 

I played with my fingers nervously and kept my tone light. "So do you think you guys will give it another go? You know...dating again?"

His head snapped up and his posture was stiff like he was uncomfortable, squirming slightly in his seat. "I...I don't know...it's complicated."

"Well you must still love her" I pointed out bluntly, squeezing my hands into fists under the table and digging my nails into the skin to keep the strained smile on my face. 

"Clara..." he warned but then sighed. "...I don't know, okay? It is complicated and she has been gone for so long...I just don't know how it would work."

"When you love someone" I began quietly, "you make it work...don't you?"

He looked down and looked so uncertain that I frowned slightly. "I-I guess I'm just not sure how I feel anymore."

My eyebrows furrowed as my eyes scanned over  him. He was playing with his hands, a far away look in his eyes like he was lost in thought. His icy blue eyes were troubled, darkening as he glanced up at me quickly before snapping his gaze back to the ground as if he didn't like how I was looking at him. 

"W-What do you-"

I was cut off by a loud ringing noise, Corbin's phone going off. He looked down at it and sighed, glancing up at me tiredly as if he was slightly relieved to get away from the conversation. 

"It's Jordan" he mumbled. "Shall I not mention me being here?"

I shook my head quickly. "Don't mention anything...he would get all weird about us being here together. Besides...I'm not ready to tell him just yet. I was thinking I would do it soon but-"

Corbin cut me off quickly. "Hey, you don't have to rush it. Do it when you are ready and he is busy anyway with this training program. I just don't want you to feel like you owe it to everyone...like you're a disappointment. You're not a disappointment, Clara."

The intense look in his eyes made me shrink back slightly and when my phone started ringing with Jordan's name on the screen, I sighed and pressed the red button to reject the call. 

"You're right" I smiled slightly. "When I'm ready."

The soft look on his face made me forget about the guilt churning inside my stomach. 

xxx

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Double update queen so expect another chapter any second now...enjoy them both..the next one may clear some things up. 

Hope you are all enjoying it, sorry I haven't updated in a while but with acting school auditions in London to prepare for and school work and my part time job, I have barely had any time to do anything let alone write :( but as soon as I have spare time I will update do not worry, I am loving this book and have got the next few chapters all planned and ready to go! 

Hope you are all okay, wishing you the best!!

~Jodie