It was a normal day in the Hippo Campus Instagram community. The fan accounts were being dysfunctional as usual. A select few were losing it over Sacc Zutton double-tapping his screen. But the innocent fan accounts had no idea what tHeHalOClInE was about to announce.
(I'm so sorry)
SunveIns, Pastel.Te.a, St.Paul.Roofs, Today_Is_But_A_Rumor, BambiCampus, St.Paul.Monsoon, Sun_Kissedmoon, and Robisgodd were sacrificing The Brötherhööd's most recent enemy, Chad, with watermelons while chanting Monsoon. Suddenly, their phones began to vibrate uncontrollably. Pastel.Te.a accidentally yote™ Chad off a cliff where he died instantly.
"Oof," St.Paul.Roofs said from where she was T-posing next to Pastel.Te.a.
They all put down their watermelons and checked their phones. TheHalocline had posted over thirty images on their Instagram story. The first twenty-nine were all black (since the four had put more effort into inspecting each image than their homework). However, the thirtieth picture was all black but with two sentences written on it; "All hail The Brötherhööd. From Bröther Zächäriä."
All eight of the Bröthers began screeching pubescently. They chanted Monsoon louder than when they were sacrificing Chad.
The Brötherhööd went back to their base in the middle of the ocean. They liked to watch real hippocampus swim. Pastel.Te.a, St.Paul.Roofs, SunveIns, StitchesCampus, and Boyish.Western.Kids stayed up into the late hours of the night discussing the event that had taken place exactly two hours, three minutes, and twenty-three seconds ago. They had to get into contact with Bröther Zächäriä so they could initiate him into the cult. They stayed up discussing possible ways to get to him, but they all seemed too difficult.
A brick flew into the base's force field. A note was attached to it. SunveIns picked it up and read, "Help me, Bröthers. The Oofism Cult has captured me and I cannot aggressively Default Dance to the base. Bröther DeCarlö also wants to join the cult. He is with me. From Bröther Zächäriä." Kneedeepinthestars wheezed from the other room where she was deep-frying Hippo Campus pictures.
"What is Oofism?" StitchesCampus asked.
"It's a cult that I used to be in before The Brötherhööd," St.Paul.Roofs explained. "The members got angry when I converted. This must be their way of attempting to destroying the much more superior Brötherhööd."
"Does Oofism have any special weapons we need to know about?" Pastel.Te.a asked.
"Their leader, Duck, is the most intense and violent person you will ever meet. She can kill us in maybe twenty minutes if she tried hard enough," St.Paul.Roofs whipped a notebook out of nowhere and set it down on the table. "This is the Oofism Guide. All the rules and members are in here. We can use it to our advantage to save Zach and DeCarlo."
StitchesCampus picked up the notebook and flipped to the page marked as 'Members and Positions'. There were twenty members. The Brötherhööd and Oofism were on the same level when it came to members. Their skills were unknown to The Brötherhööd. The skills each member had were never recorded in the notebook. Each member of Oofism went by nicknames.
The Brötherhööd assembled in the Cult Convertable. The cult founders most active members decided to go attempt to save Zach and DeCarlo. So, the members Petrifyyoursoul, Aesthetic.Avas.Art, StitchesCampus, Kneedeepinthestars, Today_Is_But_A_Rumor, St.Paul.Roofs, Boyish.Western.Kids, Pastel.Te.a, Pockets.Full.of.Lilacs, Hippo_Campos, Robisgodd, Bambi Campus, and Sun_Kissedmoon all suited up in their cult armor. They flew off in the Cult Convertable to the Oofism hiding spot. Directions were provided by the notebook.
Twelve days later, they reached the Oofism hiding spot. The Brötherhööd gathered around the front door of the dirt hut and began chanting Monsoon. They began to crescendo when the Oofism cult flew out of the dirt hut. They looked extremely homosexual (that was a joke, please don't attack me). Two Oofism members dragged Pastel.Te.a away by her ankles.
"Oh wow," Boyish.Western.Kids said.
"We're gonna die here," Robisgodd said calmly. She was prepared for death.
The Oofism leader, Duck, levitated above them all with Osteoporosis, the cult skeleton. "We have Zach and DeCarlo. We'll return them if the Hippo Campus fandom members you call 'Espomarker' and 'St.Paul.Roofs' return to the Oofism cult."
"no u," Sun_Kissedmoon said, and the whole Brötherhööd began screeching in cursive. Oofism Flossed into battle against The Brötherhööd, who all looked like that one Vine where the guy is running to Take On Me. The Brötherhööd's Indie Kid instincts kicked in and they began throwing vinyls at Oofism. StitchesCampus disarmed the Oofism member known as Sofa.
Kneedeepinthestars threw a whole ass record player at Duck, who stopped levitating. This freed Osteoporosis the Skeleton from his eternal doom. Osteoporosis began flailing around wildly, hitting Oosh and Bambi (Not Hippo Campus related, believe it or not) off balance. Oosh and Bambi accidentally roundhouse kicked each other and their spleens ruptured.
"OW, WHY OSTEOPOROSIS!?" Oosh screeched, waddling over to the hospital which was 275.89 miles away. Bambi held onto Oosh's ankle.
Espomarker materialized out of nowhere. Two of the animal Oofism's animal sacrifices sat on top of her, disabling her. They dragged her into the dirt hut.
BambiCampus began accusing Bambi from Oofism about their similarities in names, which made Bambi spontaneously combust. BambiCampus went back to the rest of The Brötherhööd, which was doing a good job of defeating Oofism.
Duck had made a recovery. She was the only one from Oofism left standing. Everyone from The Brötherhööd was unscathed.
Duck stared at St.Paul.Roofs and said, "Good job, Hippo Cult." Duck threw a coconut at St.Paul.Roofs and that sent her into anaphylactic shock.
Hippo_Campos stabbed St.Paul.Roofs with her Epipen. She stopped becoming deceased. Hippo_Campos and Pockets.Full.of.Lilacs threw pomegranates at Duck. They broke her ankle. "Oh," Duck said, "It appears I am injured."
"When you
b̶̘̺͇̗̹̐́̀͋̃͒̿ȑ̴͇̺͓̝̣̭̻̜͍̉̎̓̏̌̋ë̳̤̺̣͍̯̬̑̉̓̏͒͗͢͞ạ̷̟̻̣͉̥͌́̄̈͜͟͞ḱ̴͕̭̻̥̾̑̓̂͜͟ ỳ̵̡̲̹͍͓̟̪̻͉̂̀̕̚͢o̵̡̪̫̜͇͉̟̅̐̓͊̀͊̈́͢͜͠ú̧͓̣̝̦̉̒̌͂̀͑̎͟͡r̴͎̱̼̻̜̫̒̂̀̐̅͟͡ à̡̛͕̞̟̪͍̪̹̑͊̾̅́͘͡n̸̨͎͙̹̭͔̲̳̹͔͂̒̾͋̇́͘̕k̩̮̩̙̩̯͑́̂̐̆͜ľ̨͍̲̝̝͈̻̺̌̀̀̾̈́͜͡e̹͚̻̣̙͗͒̀̀̈́̑̾̕ ǫ̠̬̪̥̹̊̃͊̄̋̎̑̓̄͟͝n̵͖̯̥̗͍͈̜̿̋̓͊͐͞͠ ã̢̭͉̼̖͓̭̥̍͒͗͐͜͜͡͡ p̡̡̖͉̖̻̭̹͕͂͛͒͑͊̀͊̀͠͞ơ̧̻͖̩̞͔̟̘̊͒̾̋m̸̬͉͇̙̮̪̏̅͌̔̅͞ȩ̶̨̻̙̥̱͗̅̅́̈̿̕͞ͅg̷̢̟̯̭̹̥̖̥̎̽̈́̽̃ṟ̹̟̞̪̰̓͂̈̅̒̈́̓͞͝͠ǎ̴̯̺̠̼̳̲̭̇́̂́̐̈́n̶̢̯͔̱̥̬͈͙̤͍͆̈͗́̐̈͛͞t̫͖̮̝͈̒̔͊̎̒̎͟ȩ̶͉̦͚̟̿̔̑̎̐͑̏̚," Hippo_Campos said. Speech 100.
At that exact moment, Zach and DeCarlo began chanting Monsoon from behind Duck.
[To be continued]
