Regrets

It's been months. The world has resumed its course and the people continue on with their lives. Bright green leaves returned to their place on the dark dry branches of the trees and the sun finally decided to show up. In other words, everyone has moved on. 

But not me.

I sit here and think about all my successes in life: my teachers' praise; my parent's pride; my friends and family who believe in me. I have been doing as well as ever in school, blooming into a clever young woman with a decent amount of pride and honour- everyone keeps telling me that.

And I still can't move on.

Sitting in the back of my mind is a memory, tearing me from the inside, following my every step and I know this will continue for the rest of my life. It's a feeling of shame, guilt, a vine wrapping around my neck choking me. It questions my every action and decision, makes me doubt myself, afraid to make the same mistake again. Even if it was a misunderstanding.

"That was so idiotic of you."

"How could you forget about that?"

"How could you let that happen?"

Whispering in my ear, like a shadow that will never leave my side. The quiet hall, the scowling angry eyes, the disappointment on their faces plague my nightmares, a place in which people like me don't belong in. A shameful reminder, ready to pounce at me the second I'm on the brink of forgetting. And I know many people would push this aside, but not me. In a world were people turn to me for answers, this thing, that situation, make me question if I'm worthy of that anymore.

Because before, I felt anger, spite and betrayal- now? There's only defeat, sadness and doubt. Maybe one day I'll manage to move on like everyone else or at least lessen the pain.

But I will always remember that awful feeling.

Regret.