The Golden Maknae

Helpless

When I was 17, I was forced into an arranged marriage. My Mother died in childbirth and my father raised me by himself. When he was diagnosed with terminal cancer he knew he wouldn't be there anymore so he decided that the best thing for me was to have a husband.

Two months after I married Chin Bo Hyung, my father died. Thats when my nightmare began. 

It started the morning of the funeral. He remarked on my eyes being too red and swollen and made me use makeup to cover it up. I was supposed to make it look like I didn't have make up on and I didn't know how to do that. I hardly wore make up so I did a very poor job. 

When we came home he locked me in my room until morning. I didn't care about that because I didn't want to see anyone anyway. 

After that he laid down rules.

He made the meal plans, grocery list and took me shopping only when I needed feminine products or new clothing items. I could only wear clothes he approved of.

I had to make him breakfast and dinner, they had to be served at 6 am and 6 pm sharp. I did not have to pack him a lunch, which was small consolation.  

I wasn't allowed to gain weight. I was not allowed a TV, I was required to read, (not a problem, but he had to approve of the books) 

I could listen to music, any genre but not any K-pop with male Idols. Which was ironic because he worked for Bit Hit Entertainment. 

I couldn't leave the house without him. He had to approve my friendships so I had none. I didn't have anything but a house phone and no computer.

The only person I talked to between 2015 and almost all the way through 2018 was our neighbor. A very sweet old lady whom I knew reported to my husband. 

Early on we had scheduled time for sex, solely for the purpose of children. After a year we went to a doctor and after a bunch of tests he determined that I was fertile and that was the end of that because there was no way he would get himself checked out so he adjusted his plans to not have children. 

My only hope for a normal life was after he died, and since he was 50 when we were married, I had some hope.