Pages to Tell: Ours

Page 28: Taehyung

Taehyung's POV

I walked Yuju to their dorm and entertain some fans on my way back. They asked me about her but I just smiled at them for an answer. They respect my distance and I want to thank them for it.

I confronted Yuju about our current status earlier and her answer... I don't know whether I am dfine with it or not since she's honest and think of others before herself.

"Taehyung, I loved you. The time when we chat in the past... I am overjoyed. Even seeing you just in the screen always made my day. I am fine and was always by inspired by it." She opened up while we're walking. She is not looking at me nor the people around us. She's not spacing out either instead she's looking straight ahead without looking her sideways and not focusing on anything. "But when I noticed Sowon unnie looking sad after we became a couple, I become bad and mean. My mind was doubting Sowon unnie and without me knowing, I started avoiding her and spend less time with her. I started to get jealous when I saw her texting you if you could send her a goodluck message. I didn't mean to eavesdropped but my jealousy is stronger than my self-control." All this time, I thought it was her who texted me that. That is was just a prank. She admitted that!

"But..."

"But? But I lied to you in the past. I am scared to know your answer about it, that you might leave me. But little did I know, you are slowly drifting off that time. When you raises your voice to me with the simple question of what you think of each of us? I got scared and felt pain." Finally, she looks at me but forced herself to smile at me. I stopped walking and thought thoroughly about it and then I felt the guilt. "And then I just can't hold it anymore when I saw you with Sowon unnie once. Jungkook is trying his best to convince me not to leave you but in the end he respected my decision telling me that I can't tie myself with lies and pain. I want to hold on but you already let go. It's painful to hang onto something when you know it's just you who's only holding on." It's like she was just there in front of me but no matter what I do to reach for her, I can't reach her. So near but felt so far away.

She turned her back on me and sob slowly. This is the only time she opened up her true feelings to me. Her unsaid pain are now revealed.

I can't say anything. I don't know what to say. It doesn't feel right to comfort her when I know that I am the one who caused those pain. I want to hug her from where she is but I don't have the rights to do so. Forcing her to comeback to me now is definitely wrong.

"Before you say anything, can you let me finish everything?" I nod and let her talk. "Our comeback is near and I am too broken to practice and to move but I have to. When a fan asked me if I still love you... It's so hard to lie but I have to do that. Do you have lots of haters? I do. I am too depress since our break up and when the news about us spread like crazy, more haters added up to bash me. You may have haters but I beat you to it. It's so hard to cope up with everything they want. Are you saints that no one can touch you? Is it wrong to love you?" Some people stops to watch us but that didn't stop her from releasing her emotions.

"I didn't agreed to be your girlfriend just for fame. Who wants fame if your actions will be limited? I love you because of who you are and what you are. It is so hard to match the standards your fans set up to be your girlfriend. I became more insecure that I have to compare and be cautious with the way I look. Taehyung..." She look at me again with her face wet with own tears. "I am sorry because this is just me. I am not pretty like your fans wanted, I am not talented. I may have the voice our fans all wanted but it isn't even at the level your fans want. I don't have the face they might like/love. I am not good at dancing that I am having a hard time memorizing the choreography. I am not fun to be with. I am weird. I am not near anything you and they want. This is just me. I am just Choi Yuna and I am sorry for that." Words hurts more than words. With everything she have read, she is now belittling herself.