What A Secret Looks Like | ✓

16: grayson

I'd fallen asleep on my desk at work while Marcie went to get dinner. It was the fourth night I've stayed late, but this is what I do when I'm mad at my family. Except this time I'm mad at Tessa. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do in a situation like this. I mean maybe it's a good thing this happened because I hate lying to Hayes more than anything. Now I have my out.

Marcie had put up with my shit the last few days, but I guess falling asleep at the desk was her final straw. "Gray what the hell is going on with you? I know that it's probably not my place to say anything, but the past week and a half you've been all over the place. I've been covering for your ass so I think I deserve to know what's going on."

My mouth drops open slightly, and I rub my eyes to get the sleep out of them. She puts her hands on her hips, waiting expectantly for me to give her some kind of excuse for what's been going on, but I don't have a joke to make. Nothing at all.

"I don't want to talk about it," I decide on, and she keeps the food just out of reach.

"You don't get to use that excuse this time. I've known you for too long to let you pull that shit."

I rub my temples as I try to think of a way out. "Marcie it's really bad."

She sits down across from me, "It can't be that bad."

"I had a one night stand with Hayes's ex-girlfriend before I knew who she was. Then I continued to see her after I knew who she was. I didn't tell him or Sephine, and we kept it a secret. It doesn't matter though because I don't know if we're together at the moment, or if I even want to be because I hate all the lying." I explain bluntly, and Marcie doesn't even flinch when she hears it.

"I was prepared for something much worse than that, like killing your mother because she hasn't called here in a few weeks," She teases. I relax a little as she passes the food over to me. "You're a grown man even though you act like my five-year-old son so I don't think you need me to lecture you."

I shake my head slightly, "No. I think I'm feeling shitty enough on my own that I definitely don't need a lecture."

"So why aren't you sure if you want to be with her after going through all that trouble?" Marcie asks, holding her chopsticks as she pulls her food out of the bag.

"Because-because I'm not sure if I can be with Tessa. I want her to be able to be open and honest with me. I don't think I'm going to get that. But at the same time, she's one of the most incredible people I've met because she's so strong and I can be myself around her. Still, I feel like I don't know her."

I want to be with her, and I've gone through so much trouble that it would seem like a waste if I just gave up now. But I don't know about anything anymore. "You're scared of having a meaningful relationship because you don't know if you can go what you went through again after Caroline."

"What does Caroline have to do with this?" I ask before stuffing my mouth with chinese.

I'm given a flat look, "She has everything to do with it. Gray, you were together with her for years, and then you weren't in a relationship for years. And believe me, I know how important your friendship with Hayes is. He's practically the brother you wish you had, which speaks lengths to me after hearing you say you pursued her after knowing you shouldn't."

Hayes is family, but I doubt we will be after he finds out.

"Tessa isn't Line."

"It's really quite simple if you take all the other factors out of it: does Tessa make you happy? Don't think, just answer."

It's not that I don't want to answer the question, it's that I'm afraid of what will happen if I do. Even though something makes you happy, that doesn't mean it's okay. "Yeah, she does."