He wakes as less than a man. The mornings no longer offer him as much solace as the night. His own thoughts are a curse; like being trapped in a windowless room with your worst enemy. Is there any resolution to this story? He thought...
In truth he was divided; one of his halves favored his current life and had chosen to continue to live the same way, with no conscience or remorse...just utter self-centered hedonism. The other half was more rational, having chosen to leave his life behind and find refuge in God, the Author and Finisher. But the rational side had little faith, allowing him to be consumed wholly on most days by the hedonistic entity that shared his body and spirit. Recently the man—so to say—had allowed himself to be overcome, making a choice that he was sure would one day haunt him. The perils of Youth. How did the others escape such an emotionally uncertain period? This divide in his consciousness weighed on him, it obstructed his everyday life. The rift grew larger and larger the more he tried to fight it. Having resolved not to completely let go of one of the sides he would continue to spend his life in confused torment. Remain steadfast or choose to be a complete sinner. His mind and body wanted completely different things. They could never agree, except in extremely rare moments of clarity when his being became aware of the infinite nature of time and space and his helplessness in it all. It was then, only then—when he was gripped with paralyzing fear— that he truly felt whole.
I can never be truly complete in this world, he said to himself solemnly, on to the next then... He had reached the roof by that time, he still felt groggy from waking. Dreams and memories of the night before moved in and out of his consciousness as he took each step. He wished a larger part of his memories were just dreams and that his dreams would be his memories. Each second in his mind was a cacophony of dejected, guilty and angry thoughts. His head pounded, carrying more weight than it was allowed to. He stopped for a moment when he got to the edge of the roof, it wasn't hesitation— he was past that. It was something more. The sky was just beginning to come alive and the colors distracted his mind. He looked down below at what waited for him. To any other person it would just simply be a concrete floor, but to him it was something more...it was resolution. He jumped with steely resolve, a tear escaped his eyes as he welcomed the ground below with a smile.
