"hello, is this the suicide hotline?"
"ummm, i think you might
have dialed a wrong number"
"its fine, i shouldnt have called anyways,
its not like th...
"i guess its safe to say that im a troubled teenager."
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billie
Haven't you ever felt the feeling that you were so deep in thought that you wanted to kill yourself for absolutely no reason? For just a simple embarrassment from an area can really downgrade your feeling to depression?
Its not a good feeling.
Probably wondering why Im such a depressed teenager? Probably wondering why a big artist like me can feel the need to just hang herself in her room?
Its a secret.
Its not cool as you thought it is, Its...
dangerous
The fact that any moment now. You can easily disappear. Oh how good that would feel. Just feeling nothing, no problems, no drama, no...
life.
Its like taking a bite of an apple, underneath a tree. So peaceful.
I sat in my room, all flustered. Just finished up a tour here in Cavanagh, Paris.
I took a deep breath before closing my eyes and deepening the razor on my arm.
The deeper it gets, the more I feel satisfied.
I was enjoying the satisfaction until my brother, Finneas barged inside.
"Hey Bil, have you seen my razor pack, I need to change my ra–" His eyes widened in shock. Mine were also.
He has seen this before and I promised him I wont do it again, but here I was. Doing it all over and over and over again.
He ran to my side, tears were streaming down my face. "I cant do this Fin" I sob.
"What do you mean, Billie?" He snatches the razor from me. I curled up and cried, the sheets being damped by blood coming out from my arm.
"Life. It hates me." I got to say.
Finneas mades his way to the bathroom and came out with a towel and a med kit. He sat right next to my sniffling self. I felt so... dead.
"Give me." He commands sternly. I sat myself up and raise to him my arm.
As he was cleaning me, I began to wonder hows it like to just. Get away.
I imagined a place where I can be alone and safe.
"You need to stop doing this, Bil- Billie." Finneas choked, my eyes shot to his, he was looking at me and tears were streaming down on his face. I brought up my other hand and wiped his tears. I cant bare seeing my brother cry, he's the only family I have here.
I guess its safe to say that Im a troubled teenager.
"I-Im sorry, Finneas. Ill try I promise." I myself was tearing up.
"You said that the last time Bil! I cant see you hurting yourself, if you could just tell me-"
"Tell you what? The fact that Im miserably dying without no reason? The fact that I have the urge to just jump off the balcony right this second but cant?" I looked away from him. He finishes up bandaging me and we sat there in silence.
"What about your fans?" Finneas says, cutting off the silence we were both sharing not long ago.
My fans.
"The only ones that keeps me alive." I say in an almost whisper tone.
Finneas stood up, he placed something on my bedside table.
"Please, you need help Billie. By tonight Im hoping you'll give the hotline a chance." I didnt reply, instead I just sat there staring into nothingness. Then he leaves.
I was alone again, I look over to my bedside table as I reach for the paper. I look at the number.
#-###-###-####
I fondled with the paper a bit. Biting my lips.
I think its for the best.
And by that I grab my phone and dialed the number, then there was the ring.
