Langst

Earth is my home.

Depressed. It is a harsh word, meaning so much and nothing at the same time. You surely ever said, oh, I am so depressed today, just because of a bad day or bad mood. It felt so easy and you didn't think about it much longer. Others do the same, so maybe it is not wrong, right? But what if you really were depressed. Really feeling all the feelings that are crushing down on you, all day and all night. Most of us would not stand it, many people don't get it and don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. They just see everything bad around them: others judging them, insulting them, being bad and so they don't get to see how nice life can be. Friends? What is that? Even though they have a few, it's too late for some and it's impossible for them to find their way back. That is the reason why we have every day in all countries around the globe people committing suicide. There is no exit except dying, as they think. Maybe, we don't get how hard life itself can be plus others being mean to you, it is the perfect combination. But we could prevent that.

In Lances case it worked but he didn't know how long it will. His older sister Veronica was always there if he needed it but now he was in space with 4 humans, 4 mice, 2 aliens called Alteans and a cow. He doubted he will last for long here but he made another 20 days, in total he made 178 days in space. He felt so alone, so lonely, wishing for Veronica. This one time they talked about life on earth at dinner he was about to cry. His heart ached so bad, it felt like breaking. Seeing the faces from his parents and siblings brought back from so many memories of his younger days. Ever since he was reminded that he maybe wouldn't return back home. At that day he started training harder than ever. He wanted so bad to survive, survive for his family in hope of a reunion. Tough times went by but he still was there fighting the galra, defending the universe. But still, he was so fucking lonely. He got weaker, not just physically but mentally. Insanity came to his mind, creeping around the corner, stretching out its long fingers. He tried to get some help, tried so bad to talk to someone but failed. He miserably failed at it. The words, that so badly needed to be spoken, were stuck in his throat. His pride and the overcoming shyness ruined it so bad. He was such a goofball in the beginning still realizing the new circumstances but now it was just him being unable to do something against his worsened state of body and mental health.

He and Hunk have been friends since high school. Gladly they got in one team at the garrison, but still he felt like talking to a stranger since they got in space. Everyone was different. Except Keith, he was as emo as ever, never changed. Shiro was blooming in his leader role, doing a really great job. Pidge was searching for Matt, her brother and her father, Samuel, hacking some tech stuff every day. Hunk was being an amazing cook and companion. Get to know the two Alteans, Allura and Coran was not easy, but kinda... fun? He shrugged the thought of trying to concentrate on what was going on in front of him. The mission was a light one, no Galra at the horizon but still a species needed their help. As they landed on the planet the unpalatable feeling of some magic stuff going on came into his mind. Following the others were a task itself, he needed some rest so bad but he would not allow himself to show some weakness. And now his body and mind kept telling him to just lay down and take a nap, he reached the limit. His steps were about to get lost, his body no longer able to hold him upright. The weight of feelings and regrets pushing down his shoulders made it even worse. Memories of past missions passed by. Rarely some of earth showed up causing his guilty conscience to grow. He felt bad for leaving his parents and siblings alone, did not even tell them where he was going or the fact that he was still alive. He could imagine the sad faces they made the day he went missing. And all the following days may have been even worse. When that thought crossed his mind he shut his eyes tight trying to cope with the pain. Successfully? Success my ass. He never achieved something worthy in his life, so it was worthless... right? As the sun gently touched his eyelids he opened them again to see a bright deep blue ocean in front of them. This surprise was made for him, he missed the ocean so much, because it reminded him of home and family.