It wasn't supposed to be this way, my life was supposed to be so different. I was going to become an artist and raise a family with my pregnant fiacee. It was all an accident, I didn't mean to kill that family and my friends, I just lost control of the car. I was going to grow old with my soon-to-be wife, we were going to have two more kids after our son was born. Everything was planned out, how could I have let it get like this? How can she not hate me when I'm putting her through this? My death wasn't to be an execution, in front of the extended family of that young family I killed. My death was going to be of natural causes or illness. I regret that stupid reckless night, I would take it back in a heartbeat if I could.
What is my fiancee going to say when our son ask where his daddy is? That he was executed for manslaughter? I didn't want him to have an absent father like me... I was going to do better than my father. Unlike him I was actually going to be there for my son, support everything he does with/in his life, and make sure that he always knew that I love him with all my heart. I was drunk, none of it was planned. I let my stupid, none thinking, drunk friends talk me into driving since I "was the one who drank the least". It doesn't matter though because I still drank. There is no excuse for what I did, and I wont make an excuse for what I did. I deserve this, but my son and fiancee don't, they don't deserve an absent father and lost love. But I killed that young couple and made their two month old daughter an orphan. Plus I killed all five of my friends.
I'm a horrible person for what I have done. Driving drunk, why, why did I do that? I've never drank outside of my home. Stupid friends, talking me into doing that, I hope that they can see what they have partly caused. They deserve some of the blame to, but they got out of it. But I know I deserve this fate, execution. I'm the one who made these huge decisions, I could've said no. I didn't have to drive. We could've gotten a cab.
I haven't seen my fiancee at all this month, I haven't gotten to see her beautiful face or her gigantic pregnant belly. I haven't gotten to feel our son kick or move at all this month. She is 8 months pregnant this month, next month our son will be out and in the real world. I wont be there for him, I die today. His only way of knowing who his daddy is/was will be by pictures and stories his mommy, mommom, and pop pop will tell him while he grows up. I hope that my fiancee tells our son that I love him even though I'm not there. He needs to know that I do.
Since she hasn't visited me this month she's sent me many letters. Telling me how she's doing. She even sent me some ultra sounds that I've shared with the other men here during lunch. Their all so amazed by this. One man cried, it reminded him of his child that he'll be leaving to grow without a father because of his stupid mistakes.
I don't blame her for not visiting me and only writing letters. It has to be painful and stressful for her to know that I'll be gone for good soon and she'll have to raise the child on her own. That pain must be unbearable, it is for me and I'm the one that's going to be gone soon. I hate myself for doing this to her. I don't blame her if she hates me she deserves to be able to do th-
The End
