Mistakes 2

N.L.

It's been a year. We have each other blocked on social media and we haven't talked since that one time i messaged you when i was off a bean. I don't know why you were the first person I chose to text but maybe it was because you have always been my biggest distraction. I know how easy it was to become addicted to alcohol and drugs but i never knew how easy it was to become addicted to people. 

You were the first thing I thought about when I woke up and you remained in my thoughts for the rest of the day. Consuming my mind as if i had gone fucking crazy. I always wanted to know who you were texting. I always wanted to know what you were up to. 

I remember it was around march of last year and i had been looking at your page and i saw that you got a new girl friend. Although this was long after we had stopped talking, it still hurt just as much. Not only did you get a new girl friend but her name was the same as mine. That's why i have always felt easily replaceable  and you definitely made me feel that way times 10. 

It's been a year...

and i can finally say that i have no feelings for you whatsoever anymore. It's been quite a long time but i hope that you are doing well. I hope that your mom will let you do more instead of keeping you home all the time so you look for entertainment online and hurt people in the process. I hope you stop listening to your friends because at the end of the day none of them will have you like someone who cares for you (the real you) not the you that tries to show out at parties and in group chats...but the you that you wake up being deep inside everyday. The you that you don't like to share with people out of fear. I know how it feels to put on a mask. I hope you can take off your mask one day N. I still care for you. That will never go away . But please don't come back in my life ...you know what they say about old habits dying hard. I don't want you to be my addiction anymore.