Firstly and lastly

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by lilbillie17

by lilbillie17

Walking down the snowy pathway, tears falling slowly down my cheeks. "I can't do this anymore" I whisper, like I hoped no one heard me and no one sees me. I'm just a face in the crowd to them, just someone who's there, in life then out. Just. Barely. Living. But no one knows that, no one knows how I'm really feeling and no one knows where im really going. I'm going home. Well I say home I really mean somewhere dark. Somewhere I'm alone, because all I really am is alone....always lonely, even in the crowd I'm alone. I walk through the snow slugging my feet along behind me, they don't wanna go there, they wanna explore, they wanna live, be free and breath but they can't because I wanna do this, they follow me and that's just it. It's the only thing that listens, no one else does no one really knows how I'm feeling or what I'm doing. Yet again I walk, I'm close to breaking into a sprint but I won't.....what's the point either way I'm getting there even if it's slowly. Down the street I played in as a child, the memory's of happiness and joy gone, all that's there is sadness over why we left. Some guy raped my mother. So we left, father left after that, he didn't believe mothers claim, he wasn't that nice but he should've trusted mother but he didn't, now he's gone, I went to his funeral the other day, he killed himself too. I guess it runs in the family eh? Mother tried, she was sectioned. Sister was murdered, they were never convicted. Brother had ran away after father, he was on the news within 24 hours. My family falling apart In front of my very eyes, and I'm the only one alive, so I must join them. Mothers on the verge so she will be happy with me once I'm gone. I'll make her join me.

I'm here. The cliff edge. The dark, oblivion below. I wonder, will they find my body? Nah anyway who cares, no one who really loved me will attend my departure, I pushed them all away in the end. They don't deserve my pain, only I deserve what I get, because I didn't help mother, father wasn't my fault but I could've helped, sister was my fault I let the man in, I let him upstairs while I was outside, I didn't hear her cry, I was angry with her, honestly I wished something bad happened to her but, nothing like that. And brother I should've stopped him, he didn't have to go after father, but he wouldn't of left if I didn't stop father so either way it's my fault.

My toes reach the edge, my tears fall down my face into the darkness, lost like I would be soon enough. As I stand here, soon realising this is it, no going back now only forward and down. I look above and see brother and sister, down below is father. He's a sinner. He is home like I will be too. I edge closer to the side, the wind try's to pull me back. I scream " NO DONT! PLEASE LET ME GO!" And I fall......

I'm falling

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