My internal hell finally had taken its reign. My mind uncontrollably thinks negative. Despair slashes at hope, gnaws on faith, contaminating dreams of salvation. The blade I held penetrates deep through layers of skin. White vinyl turns Scarlet red. Drops of reason, particulars of this damnation trickle from my fingertips to the floor. Within those splatters, a vivid memory. I was used, never loved and desired only on specific instances. Millions of feelings; worthless, helpless and pitiful. Barely any daylight. Lost. Trapped and confined. Pushed into the shadows, restrained. I've shed countless tears and inevitably to find all was for nothing.
Satan found his way to me, through you. He beats, torments, ridicules and threatens. I am his puppet. His Creation. In a weakened state I fell to the ground next to the puddle of blood drained from my veins. Unable to move my eyes stay focused. Staring as the pool of Life expands outside of my body. Damaging, assisting death. Self-inflicted or not I will not be saved. I let go of the last remaining hope. Prepared for my shackles.
Suddenly light pierces darkness. A hand slowly reaches out, lifts me, leads me and reminds me: mother's voice calms my thoughts, father's embrace warms my heart and brothers smile brightens my way. How did I forget such an important people? Memories filling my mind, eliminating pain. They protect and support me always. The laughter, caring and commitment. Each remind me of life's worth. Strength to overcome fills my soul. Able to stand on my own, to fight. Death lost its ability to haunt. The walls of my prison crumble allowing visibility of a future.
God's love found its way to me, through them. He reaches out, lifts my spirits, carries me and redirects my thoughts. I am no longer a creature of uncertainty. I know my place and where I belong.
YOU ARE READING
Insane Ravings of a Munk
PoetryA past history full of scattered emotions and experiences. Written in a series. Wrapped in a bow as a gift to you all.
