Days, weeks, months and even years have gone by. The ache your heart feels, begins to be welcomed by your body. Your mind. Welcomes the insanity. Your soul, blacker than the night. This hurt your feeling is betrayal. Betrayal is to double cross someone. Hurt is to feel pain. Your pain, your love, your fragile heart. Broken. All that's happening begins to feel like a Stephen King novel. Scary. Unreal. So horrifying that your dreading the days of the unknowing. You fear the known more than the unknown. You want everything to be a lie, you refuse to believe the truth. Yet deep down you feel the need to believe that he truly can do no wrong in your eyes. Your in love, your in pain. Your in mourn. Your in grief. But most of all you feel the breaking of your heart as if a knife was slicing through your skin like scissors cut paper. It makes your stomach churn and tighten. You feel your stomach tighten and you feel the nausea kick in. It's a pain. It's almost like your dying. You feel ok. You feel content yet your mind still thinks about the feelings of others. Nobody else seemed to care about your feelings from the beginning. Why do you care for them? Or are you just afraid that when you end it your future will end up being what you wanted only your not in the picture? You slowly feel yourself begin to lose yourself in the pain. The pain you've spent so many years trying to avoid. The pain that has become your personal comfort because no one can take that pain away. You stare at the culprits of your pain. You stare at them, your eyes showing a movie of the pain caused by them and only them. You pack your things slowly, almost as if you went any slower the world would freeze at that exact moment. While you pack your stuff, you inflict pain on yourself thinking of the stuff that was going on. After your stuff is pack, you sit on the bed as far from them as possible. They glance at you and meet they're gaze temporarily only to look away and twitch with the urge to bawl your eyes out. When it's time to leave you glance at him, then look down it pains you to look at him and even smile. You look at her as she offers to walk you to the car. You walk to the elevator and pushed the button, waiting... waiting...waiting. You hear the whir of the gears starting up. The doors open and you get on looking at the wall or floor. You get off on the first floor then walk to the door. As your friend hugs her, you walk out the door. You see her look of sadness from you not hugging her, you glance at her as she watches you walk to the car. You hope that in your eyes she can see the pain she's inflicted on you. The pain your feeling because of her selfish actions. When you meet her gaze, you stare and then look away. You get in the car and look back to see if she was still there. You look at your phone and then wait to be driven home. As your in the car, you think of everything that took place. You fight the tears. You arrive at your home, you walk in and unpack throwing your stuff in the washer to rid them of her smell and his. You lay in the recliner and relax to put the happy young adult act on. You do just that. You destroy your mind with all the sad music. To fall asleep, into a slumber which you hope you don't wake up from. A slumber so deep your body just might shut down.
