fire escape

f o u r t e e n

that night on the escape

i didn't feel like speaking

i leaned my head on the railing

and felt like numbing the pain.

"i wrote about you" jean told me

"you won't see it but you should know"

"why won't i see it?" i asked

"because maybe you wouldn't like what i wrote

and you wouldn't believe that that's what i really see

so until you are ready

for me to show you your beauty

i'll keep writing and though it's barely

possible to capture you in a sentence

i will give my best"

i felt a tug on my heart

and a smile on my lips

and i regretted all the cuts

on my hips.

"will anyone see them?"

"no. i don't want people to see you

through my eyes and

take you away. i am a selfish man."

and at those words

i forgot all about today

"i will maybe write about you too" i told him

"nah. i'm not the one to write about."

and that's where he was wrong

because he was so much

and so much more

with his daunting appearance

and sky like eyes

and his pale lips

and the beautiful pain.

though i was the one

to deny pain as beautiful

in him i saw

beauty like in no other

and then i realized

what he meant

when he said that he wouldn't let anyone see

what he does in me

because if anyone saw in him

what i do

they would take him away

and if it was possible

i'd glue myself to him

and never let him leave me.

but i could never tell him that.