A Torn Journal - Noriaki Kakyoin - Status: Alive

The First Goodbye

Caesar, Avdol and I talked out there on the sidewalk for quite a while, until Polnareff peeked through the hotel door to tell us that the others were waiting on us. On the way back to our rooms, the three of us concluded that, because Caesar technically never spoke to The Void about killing Mr Zeppeli, the topic of Caesar's fake name was never mentioned. He and Joseph never had their reunion, and the secret was never revealed.
"Do you think I should tell him?" Caesar asked me and Avdol. We were walking down the hall behind the others, and he spoke in a voice that they wouldn't be able to hear.
"Did you see the look on his face the first time?" I replied. "Yeah, you should tell him. He deserves to know."
"Besides," Avdol came in, "now that we're out of danger for the time being, you two will have plenty of time to catch up. If you do tell him, you'll be glad you did."
Caesar thought this over for a moment. "You're right," he decided. "I've fought alongside JoJo before, and I died on that journey. Now I know that he's beating himself up over it. I have to at least ease his nerves, if nothing else..."
"You know he'll be glad to see you," I added with a smile. Caesar returned the look, subtly.
He walked ahead of us, catching up with the others and starting a conversation.
"What an eventful day," Avdol sighed.
"Definitely," I responded. "How many times were we attacked? Four? Five?" A chill went down my spine. "I hope it doesn't continue like this for long. The sooner we can find Void, the less chance we have of losing someone. It was a close call today."
"And the sooner we can get Void out of our heads," he added.
There was silence for a little bit.
"Avdol," I began, my tone of voice growing darker. "Will you promise me something?"
"Of course."
"If I ever hurt you... Emotionally or physically, will you promise not to hold it against me?" I paused for a moment, thinking out my next sentence. "The Void's influence on me is increasing by the day. If I ever do something that I wouldn't do, it wasn't me. It was Void. And I apologize in advance."
"I would never blame you for something you had no control over, Kakyoin," he told me quietly, looking at me with a confused stare. "Why did you mention it?"
I took a deep breath- I didn't like having to bring dark moments back to mind. "I was thinking about earlier, when I punched Jotaro. I didn't want to do that. But you were the only one that didn't turn away from me. I felt so... Alone. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't helped me there. I don't want to hurt you- any of you- but I know it's inevitable. I don't want to lose your support, Avdol. So when I do hurt you somehow, I want you to remember this conversation."
"I'm here for you," he said with a nod. A smirk crept onto his face. "Now you'd better get some sleep. You look like you might pass out where you stand."
He was right about me being tired- I probably would've passed out if I wasn't preoccupied. I hadn't rested decently for days. With all of the insane things going on in my dreams, I could hardly sleep at all. But I couldn't turn in for the night just yet. There was still one thing I had to sort out. Jotaro and I were sharing a suite, and if we were going to be in the same room together, we would have to be on good terms. We would have to confront each other sooner or later. It'd be best if we did it sooner.
     When I returned to my hotel room, Jotaro was sitting on the bed in the far side of the suite, taking his jacket off and hanging it on a nearby chair. He glanced at me, but wouldn't meet my eyes. I could see the pain embedded in his face again. The same expression he had when I punched him. It was very unlike him to, well, show emotion in general. I couldn't help but worry about him.
"Jotaro," I began sitting on my bed in the closer side of the room. "We need to talk." He didn't say anything, so I continued. "I owe you an apology for what I did earlier. My emotions were just... Out of control. I know-"
"No, Kakyoin."
"No?" I repeated what he said. "No what?"
"You were gong to tell me that I had a good reason not to revive you, right?" He finally looked me in the eyes. "I didn't."
A horrible feeling struck me. "You wh- what?"
"I think you heard me," Jotaro murmured.
     Did he just say... My thoughts became jumbled. He has no reason? What was he doing, then? What was he thinking? Was my family destroyed by some delinquent just for the fun of it? Taking a deep breath, I tried to slow myself a little. Now think, Noriaki. Jotaro wouldn't do that kind of thing. There has to be more to it.
"Jotaro," I said quietly. "Why? Why did you do it, then?"
He didn't respond but seemed troubled, with a dark, angry look on his face.
"If there's something you need to say, then say it," I demanded.
With a sigh, he finally broke. "Fine," he muttered. "When we were leaving to head back to Japan, the Speedwagon Foundation picked up your body from the water tower, along with Iggy's. Avdol's body was impossible to retrieve. We went back home, but it was two days before we broke the news to your family. During those days, I had time to think. And I thought about reviving you two. Bringing you back. But every time I decided to do it... I couldn't. The Foundation could've performed operations to fix up your bodies, but I couldn't make myself save you. I was trying to put the past behind me. And by the time I finally built up the nerve to see you again- your dead bodies- it was too late. They'd already held the funeral. I didn't even attend it." He began to grit his teeth. "Kakyoin, do you know how hard it is... To walk to school in the morning, and pass an old 'Missing Person' poster, with the picture of someone you knew? And you could've saved them?"
     Traumatization. That's what this is. I already knew that Jotaro's been dealing with it since our deaths. I should've known that it'd be the reason he never saved me. But what could I possibly say to reassure him now? I thought very hard on that question before answering it.
"Jotaro," I began after we sat for quite a while in silence. "Have you been blaming yourself for our deaths since our fight with Dio?"
He looked away from me. "Who else can I blame?"
"That is... That is so wrong. You have it all so wrong. This isn't your fault." I tried to be reassuring. He rolled his eyes, pain still darkening them. "I know from experience that you can't just force yourself to overcome some kind of emotional barrier. It will degrade over time, but you can't just break through it. I can't even begin to imagine what you were going through. But I can tell you now- I had no right to punch you for it. I'm sorry."
We were both silent. I was waiting for him to respond. I had to know that I'd gotten through to him.
"Me too."
     There it is, I thought as he said it. Even the darkest people have a soft side, don't they? Thank you so much for your forgiveness, Jotaro. If this ever happens again things will be different, I promised silently. They will.
"Thank you," I told him. "Now, If we're done with that, I think I'll get some sleep." He smirked in response, but didn't say anything.
I was sitting up in the bed, the covers tossed over my legs. The lights were out and Jotaro was asleep. About thirty minutes had passed since we finally had our confrontation, and now I was just thinking everything over in my head. It was much easier to sort things out with him than I expected it to be. I'm glad.
Suddenly, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It looked like some kind of shadowed, humanoid figure. I took another glance at it, just to make sure I wasn't imagining it. All I could make out in the low light was its shape, but it was definitely there. I summoned Hierophant.
Now that I knew he was sentient, my Stand somehow looked more determined. He had that spark in his eyes as if he was telling me he was always by my side. He's a part of me. I briefly wondered what he could be thinking at the moment.
I was about to launch an attack on the shadowed figure, when it reached a hand out towards me. I was confused for a moment. But it wasn't hostile, and it somehow seemed familiar. So I accepted its offer and took its hand. In an instant, my surroundings transformed. Now, instead of sitting on a bed in the dimly-lit room, with Jotaro snoring quietly a few meters away, I was standing in a bright room with small bloodstains on the floor and bandages scattered across tables. It was Caesar's suite. He sat noiselessly on a nearby bed.
     It took me a moment to acknowledge what had actually happened. I was just... Teleported. A short distance- From my room to Caesar's.
     "I apologize if I surprised you, Noriaki," he whispered, trying not to wake anyone in a different room.
     "Was that your Stand?"
     As I said this, the figure from moments before appeared again, the room's bright light making him more visible. Now that I could see him, he resembled Caesar quite a bit, save for a few distinct features. Two long-ish horns on his head curved around pointed ears, and his clothes were much more tattered than Caesar's. He had particularly noticeable wings on his back, but the most notable thing about him was definitely the striped headband he was wearing. I knew Caesar typically wore one just like it. Now I see why he didn't want to summon his Stand earlier. If Mr Joestar had seen it, it would've given Caesar's identity away. I suppose it doesn't matter anymore.
     "Yes," Caesar replied. "Noriaki, this is Rogue." The Stand gave me a brisk nod.
     "You're sentient," I noted, taking a step towards Rogue.
     "You notice quicker than most do," the Stand muttered, much to my surprise. After saying this and shooting me a dark glance, he disappeared into the air.
     "What was that about?" I asked Caesar.
     He looked uncertain. "He's almost consumed by Void, as I am," he noted. "And the darkness decided to feed on the fact that he's my Stand. And now Rogue gets upset whenever he's 'referred to as an object,' or at least that's how he puts it." Caesar took a deep breath, and let it out in a sigh. "I'll be so glad to finally see him again once this all blows over."
     There was silence for a few moments, until he spoke again. "By the way, Noriaki," he started. "I couldn't help but notice that the television set over there operates in full color. How long has that technology existed?" I gave him an odd look.
     "Since the forties," I chuckled. "You've missed a lot."
"I have," he agreed with a smirk. We were quiet again.
"Caesar, If you only brought me in here to ask about the television, I'm going to go back to my room and go to slee-"
"Noriaki, don't leave," he said, cutting me off. His breaths began to shudder a little bit. "Tonight... Will be my last night with you all. This is the night that Void will take me- I can feel it. And I just... I didn't want to be alone."
"You mean you'll be... Gone tomorrow?" My heart felt like it shattered. "What are we supposed to do without you?"
"Keep fighting," he said with a shrug. "What else? As long as you do that, you don't need me." He paused. "Can you promise me something?"
I shook my head. "If you're going to ask me to kill you if Void uses you to attack us, I'm afraid I'll have to disregard it. I'm not going to hurt you."
"Well," Caesar chuckled, "I guess I'll trust you to make the right decisions."
We talked for a long time- Hours, even. About what our next move was going to be, about our pasts, about our deaths, pretty much anything to keep Caesar's mind away from The Void. I told him about Speedwagon's message and how he was laying low in Florida. It seemed to ease Caesar's nerves quite a bit. When he finally dozed off, it was around midnight. I flipped off the light and quietly returned to my room. I tried to be as silent as possible when I reentered my bed, even though Jotaro sleeps extremely deeply.
     I wasn't ready to lose Caesar yet, but apparently it was inevitable. I just hoped that Void wouldn't send him against us. I didn't want to hurt or kill him. That wasn't even an option.
     And as I finally fell asleep, my mind was full of dim thoughts. I know we'll save him. Once we finally kill Void, he'll be freed and the infection will be nothing but a memory. You've suffered through this long enough, Caesar.
     Goodbye, my friend.