george is a photographer
george loves to photograph people
george loves boys
josh is george's model for most of his shoots
josh smokes too much
josh loves girls
JOSHY X MEMEULOUS
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i'm sorry for not updating. a lot of things i need to talk about though. i'd mainly like to talk about how fucking fit this photo is of him, but there's other things on my mind.
josh finally told me he got with nina. they're together, so i finally haven't got a chance with him. i didn't anyway, but now there is nothing to try to hold on to. he seems really happy though. he wants to bring nina along for the next shoot, too. i've met the girl a couple times, she's nice yeah, but i still feel like he's going way too fast with things.
i wish it was as easy for me to get with someone as it is for him. he's the type of attractiveness that he can just pull whoever, man or woman, even if some may be unwanted.
i asked him a couple days ago what he thought about gay people and the LGBT+ community, and he just shrugged it off and said 'whatever mate, not bothered about it but yknow.' or something like that. i'm terrified that he's homophobic or something.
i talked to my mate alex about it a few days back, cause he's bi so i don't need to worry about being judged. i finally told him that i was gay, and i told him that i had a crush on josh. i finally came out to someone, and it felt good, yeah, but it's still terrifying. me and alex we're talking and he suggested that he could go ask josh about me, and that he could try and slide in something like 'oh what if george was gay, what would you do' n stuff like that. he did it yesterday, they went out for coffee. alex told me that he asked josh, and josh said he wouldn't care, but he wouldn't want me coming into him or some 'weird shit like that.' so i don't really know if i can tell him that i'm gay yet.
i'm way too scared, but i love him so much.
my mental health has been taking a turn for the worst too. i've been feeling much more lower than usual, and on my instagram i had noticed that josh was calling his mates gay as an insult, calling them fags too. so i really don't think he'd be happy with me telling him who i really am.
