Jacob's Ladder

God damn it. I figured you had grabbed the reins of the horse. Oh no, wait until I get my whip. I bet you will drink your tea at the same time that you lash me with your own hand. Why don't you get your horse out of my face. You know I don't like it when you swallow your tea loudly. Satan! I wasn't falsified in any report. I'm not a bastard at any cost. I bet you travel to Las Vegas and drink whiskey while reporting to your mother about the hooker you're sleeping with. I can't believe you Satan! You must have drank a gallon of urine before slighting your Self with a rage unmatched and a tennis court never seen. Moses, thankfully. I didn't know you turned away from the apple, Jacob? I can't be sure when. Fart! Jesus Christ, did you make us a willing bunch? Come, come now. Welcome the guests with your hand open wide and die once again without any solace and any sign of an obituary. You know that we dined in Hell before the time we dined in Heaven. Pharaoh, you buzzard! How did you lose count of the vultures and their meals? How did you find yourself discerning all of the times we met and all of the times we died together. Oh, how I miss those times. You know we could really use your hands down at the baseball rink. You would fit right into all of this mess with football and all that you know. I basically spelled it out for you. You know, before you drank all that poison and mummified your ancestors. I can't seem to get a hold of Mary. Can you report to her that we need a shovel and three buckets of urine so we can find Jesus where we left him. Eventually, we will never die. That's the blessing you choose to share! I always knew you were a tall person, but really? Did you mean to rape all of those innocent children down at the football field? They surely didn't deserve that treatment. Ever since you turned your back on the church everything has been going topsy turvy. Illegal women, a bouncy ball, jump ropes, guns, and gunslingers. How on Earth did you manage Heaven before thee fell? Satan! You sick fuck. How did I not know it was you all this time. We weren't formally introduced that time under the bridge with Jesus, Buddha, and Vishnu. I thought you were Christian, maybe even Jewish? How did we get to this without prior engagements? It must have cost Abraham a whole fortnight and Davey an eon. Do you think the illuminati has grasps on the media? No. Not unless Jesus has the reigns of the horse, as we had discussed. That would be fatal! Ah ha! You knew it would be fatal all along! How could you keep such a secret from me! The secret has always been Death, ever since Pharaoh and all of his other unusual and uncommon friends made a wager. Can we make a truce and never step anywhere near the court again... That would also be fatal. Really? After all that I did for you. All along you paid for my comfort and ran your mouth sitting on people's faces and biting people's legs. That must've been Hell for you! Yes, yes it was. Though, we mustn't dwell on the past Mary. You know me all too well. Not that well, Davey. Especially since the divorce. How dare you bring that up! You know that is a weak spot of mine. I always knew you would pull this card. Drive yourself out to the edge of the ocean and scream for me. Throw a fucking knife into the mix. How did you do it, you sick fuck. Satan all along. Satan that cunning slippery fish tail. Wait now, hold on a second. Jesus never appreciated you bringing that into the mix. To hell with the mix! I have one or two things to say and if it's not too late we should be right on time. Bring me my soup, Jacob... I think we are in it for the long haul.

That's when I stood up and grabbed Jerry's collar. Spring into action corporal! You mustn't wait much longer. Children are dying. People are spitting. For all of time you have been on this Earth and you have claimed to know Heaven, claimed to know Hell, claimed to know this and that, and still too many people will disagree. I never put it that way. I know, I know. It really was never your fault, you know. I never wanted that apple to be gone too long. It wouldn't be a proper drink for us. All of that tea has gone to your head, Jacob. Not too much of it. After all... To hell with your after all nonsense! People want what's was best for their stomachs! Food and all of those candles you light before sex. I never did such a thing! You will now! I bet you never even traveled to Las Vegas... and Oh, Satan... you shot too many people at the concert. You never should have had grips on reality. Can you stop me now? Wow, you sick fuck. How could you manage all of the time you managed. That's for you, Betty. Betty? You're going to bring your old time pal into the mix? I thought I told you! To hell with the mix! We don't need that cherry pickings shit. Oh, well. I see. You can manage that, can't you? Of course, it's no problem. We better hope those knives don't get in the way of the ocean and all of its misery. Ok, first of all. The hope is for your little man. The hope is not for what you claim to be, Jacob. Second of all. The knives are already on their way out! We need not worry about things that have haunted our past. What about dinner! Oh shit. What about dinner! That was a fart and you can send it to the play book... I want nothing to do with it now. Wow. That's a leap. Even for you. Nothing? Already? And you have a problem with things being alright? No, no. That's not what I meant. Oh well, clearly it is. I love everything good. Is that your take on it now? Don't go around taking things for your own pleasure. You thief! I thought Moses told you. What? Under the bridge? Jesus Christ. What about the pool time with Mary? No! You wouldn't bring Mary into the mix. You are this fucking mix... I swear. My heart and heat goes unto you. I will wait seven years for you dear, should it be that long! Oh well, that should be just fine. Just fine? Fine is the word we use for the hooker down the road. That is unnecessary and rude. Jerry. Can we stop for a second... Obviously not. This is reporting live. Mary, our sweet sweet Mary, you have been brought up and now we must address this. Certainly not. She is a golden light. And now you're addressing it! I thought all of these people died. Died how? When and where? We talked about this fatal idea of yours. It's make believe. Satan, you can't be serious. All of this time I have been waiting for a shot at the moon and you are hogging all of the shade. The moon has no dark side, Jacob. This may very well be true, though when I think about how long we have been at this... I may disagree. Why? Because some pink birds decided to get in the way of you saying your peace. Please. Save it for the judge. And who will that be? Oh yes, very much so, yes. That is preposterous. Um, not really. People die every second you spend mixing your shit together with the lovely animals. You can't call them animals! I just did. Oh, Jesus. Can you please take a break from the sparing vocals. What about our soup! I can't right now. An office of morons is calling my name. Fart! How dare you spell your name without any vowels. You should be hung! Hey now, that's a little harsh... even for you. Who? Me? Are you addressing me? Bob? Ok. Who let this moron decide what and who. I thought that was reserved for Jesus. No. It's actually reserved for whoever decides to grab the mic. I didn't know you spoiled surprises you bastard. Russian! You are Russian! Rat! You are a rat! Fart! I know you, Jacob. Step out of the way, Bob. People know you as such. People? You really want to go there? I knew you were right for the occasion and you took my power away! Not even in the slightest! Jerry is getting cold... can we bring him some soup. Mary, please. Rape me. Um, excuse me. No one wants to hear that, Satan. Oh, now you go on a killing spree. Suppress your spurs for the horse and all of a sudden everything gets shot up. Jerry, what do you think of the mess? I think if I waited any longer a dog would bark in the distance and I would be forever forced into the deepest of webs. That amongst other cynical fortresses and burns. You think that's a fair assessment? You nearly lost your head at the show! What show? You think I could find an excuse for you now? This is basically a recipe for hell! I beg to differ. Lighting myself on fire for the warmth of the community isn't an egregious act. Jesus. Satan. Betty! What do you suppose. I don't want to even go there. Go ahead and thread yourself in a spider web of nonsense. Bug! Bug! Boogie nights! Fuck your patience. Seven years, Mary! Have you even been serious with me before? I was waiting for a tower to spill over the edge. Oh, into the office we go...