Expression {bxb}

Part 1

Liam PoV

I don't know when it happened. It might've been a specific point in time, or how I was born, but until my first relationship I never really noticed it, it wasn't something that effected my everyday life: I was completely immune to butterflies. That tingling everyone talks about? I've never felt it. Physical contact has absolutely no effect on me.

I did like the first girl I dated. She was my best friend at the time, and I liked hanging around her more than anyone, so when she asked "Why don't we go out?" I could think of no reason to refuse.

"Sure."

And so it went for a measly four months. Nothing really changed except the titles. She would suggest we hold hands or cuddle or even kiss, but after I did all those things once, my first thought would be "Never again." Not because I didn't like her, but because it wasn't doing anything for me.

Finally, I suppose, she had had enough of that, "It's like you don't even like me! I can't even tell if we're really dating, we do nothing different!" And the four months ended.

That was also the same time my dad disappeared. That was the moment I can pick out. The moment my emotions went MIA. I decided caring wasn't really worth it, and for some reason shut myself off. It was better than dealing with it, accepting it as true. I was told it was a bad habit, but as it so happens I can't really help it. Being numb has its perks, though; nothing really bothers you. People give you looks in the halls? Eh. And if you don't care about anyone, you can't get hurt.

Which leads me to now.

It was now the beginning of senior year. I never really payed attention to my surroundings in class, but since my first period was the humanities class I've been with for eight years, it was pretty hard not to notice the one new kid who shyly stumbled in and sat at a table near the back of the room. He looked small and timid. The oversized sweater draped over his shoulders didn't help, nor the glasses or frantic looks as he skittishly took a seat. As more people that I actually recognized entered the room, they must've been thinking the same thing because they all eyed him curiously. However, Ms Delacruz, who we've had for four years, made no indication that she would recognize the new student, and class went on like it always had.

And the rest of the day, I completely zoned out. Going to school on the first day is completely obligatory and not at all necessary, all we learn are things like the name of our teachers pets. Needless to say, I don't care. I stayed in Ms Delacruz's room for 20 minutes after school to avoid the rush of kids trying to get home, the traffic alone would take just as long. When I finally did walk out to head to my car, I could tell the sky was getting ready to let loose because of the green tint that plagued it. As my car began to leave the parking lot, I noticed a vaguely familiar frail looking figure looking up at the sky with a disappointed look on his face.

I parked in the road in front of him and rolled down the window, my expression remaining bored.
"You need a ride?" He tore his gaze from the sky as a surprised expression overcame his face.

"Uh... I- I do. Actually." I jabbed my thumb toward the passenger side of my car and he began to hesitantly walk to get inside.

He stumbled in, and regarded me cautiously as I began to pull out of the parking lot.

"What"

"O- oh. Sorry" He was overcome with a small blush and looked away. "I'm just surprised. I uh... was told you weren't a good kid."

"I'm not an asshat, it's about to pour."

He chuckled, "Well... thanks. I'm Spencer by the way. I don't know if you n- noticed but I'm in your humanities class." He spoke softly, only audible enough for me to hear right next to him in the car.

"Of course I noticed."

He looked at me curiously and I realized he probably couldn't read my mind. "I've been with those people since sixth grade, so when we get new students in the program, it's kinda hard not to notice."

"Oh."

I pause. I really didn't want to get close to this kid. I have a strong preference of staying out of social settings and making connections. A 'defense mechanism' I'm told. But, I told him my name anyway. Something about how purely gentle he was made me say it, "I'm Liam. Where do you live?"

"Uh, just take me to the hospital down near the other high school." He almost fumbled over his words, like he was trying to throw them out of his mouth. "Th- this kid named Micheal said you don't ever t-talk to anyone and that I should be scared of you cause you beat people up." He quickly evaded his hospital remark, but I'm certainly not one to pry.

I rolled my eyes. I don't even know who Michael is. He is right about never talking to anyone, but the fighting one I kind of knew was coming. I got in a physical fight toward the end of my junior year, I don't even remember the reason, and, because my school rarely had fights, everyone suddenly became weary of me because I would 'beat them up'.

"That was one time. But I guess you could say I don't talk to anyone."

"Why?"

Rather than giving him the long answer I could quote almost entirely from my therapist, I shrugged. "It's easier."

And he simply nodded. I felt a little relieved. For the rest of the ride to the hospital, he sat in silence, fiddling with the strings on his bag. Once we got there he opened the door and got out, his atmosphere slightly more solemn than he had been on the ride over. "Uh, thanks. And thanks for not asking about the hospital. I figured you'd get it." And he looked up at me with eyes a little sadder than I was anticipating.

I looked away. "Yeah."

~~~~~

uh thanks for checkin this out I guess ✌🏼