My Girl - Sirius Black x Reader

My Girl

  It wasn't something new. It wasn't something that it should sadden you. You should have gotten used to by now. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before. You were always the one to blame. You were always wrong. No matter what you did, you were never right. No matter how great you did, how amazingly good... No. You were the one being yelled at, the one being the 'disappointment'. You knew that it shouldn't matter and affect you. You knew that. But somehow, after all this time... You could not control your reaction. Your disappointment towards yourself and well, your mother. You weren't completely sure that the woman you called mother, deserved to be called that. She wasn't acting like one. She never helped you, she was never there, she blamed you for everything bad that happened... She was such a...
She had sent you a letter that it was full of hatred and insults, underestimating you and making you feel like you were not worthy of anything. She had done it before and you had promised to never let her make you feel like that again. No one can insult you if you don't value their opinion. But how could you not? She was your mother, technically. You wanted to prove that you were capable of handling things yourself and that you didn't care that your own mother thought so little of you. But what if she was right? you thought. What if you were truly a disappointment? What if no one will ever care about you? What if you weren't as good as you thought you were? What if you were a failure? She had done it. You were past the point of being mad and angry at her. Way past that. Now you were questioning your own self. She had manipulated you in a terrible way and you knew it. You were just sad. At everything and everyone.
It was really early in the morning. It was before sunrise. You loved those hours. There was light and the deep dark blue of the night sky had faded away but not entirely, and the sun wasn't up yet. You cherished these moments. You hadn't slept at all. You couldn't. You were rereading the letter all night long. Trying and failing to keep the tears away. You were stronger than this. You were better than this. Still, it hurt like hell.
You were in the common room, your eyes never leaving the crackling fire... How the flames consumed the logs...It felt like it had rhythm. Well, you had to keep your mind occupied.
You didn't realize that somebody had descended the stairs and was staring at your small figure. He instantly knew what was wrong. He had been through the same. But he hated that it was happening to you. He had this huge crush on you, even though you had no idea. His friends knew alright. They would be forced to listen to him rambling about you on and on. It was kind of annoying for them, really. But they did realize that the gray-eyed boy was smitten.
You couldn't help the last tears from falling. You knew that you had to get it out of your system. And if tears were the way, so be it.
You only understood that someone was next to you when they plopped on to the couch beside you. Your head snapped up and you came face to face with the last person you wanted to see you like that. You quickly looked away, trying to hide your tears and the damn letter. But he had enough time to catch up with every little detail.
For a while, you were just sitting there in silence. Until silence became too deafening and too overwhelming. You wanted him to hold you but it was silly just to think about something like that. You had liked him since forever. You cared about him and you...well, you were in love with him. Much like you, all he wanted to do was hold you and never let you go. But he thought that a person like you could never, ever, like someone like him. How stupid and blind you both were.
"Talk to me" he simply whispered making you weak. How did you tell him that your mother hated you and that you liked him? They weren't really compatible at the moment, now were they? You found yourself wondering whether you should or should not tell him but something in his voice made you turn and face him. His eyes were too captivating and too understanding. He was too perfect to be real.
"My mother" you shyly admitted and tried to avert your gaze. You failed. Miserably. He didn't seem surprised and you remembered that he had issues with his family way bigger than yours. You felt like you had sounded like a cry-baby. You didn't want him to see you as one. Without breaking eye contact, he reached for the letter and took it in his hand. He gave you time to react differently if you wished but when you didn't move, he started reading it. Your heart was sinking and your mind was playing very a dangerous game. You watched him closely. His eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes were full of anger, his hands almost tearing the parchment apart.
He had read the letter three times before he actually looked at you. And then he did something that you only dreamed of. He stood up, threw the letter to the fire and when he sat back down he hugged you. His one hand was on your waist, pulling you closer as his other was caressing your cheek. You melted under his touch.
"Listen to me, love" he whispered softly yet firmly, his breath falling hot on to your face, his eyes never leaving yours and his hand always upon your cheek.
"You are amazing. That woman does not define you. You are intelligent and elegant, beautiful and sarcastic yet so kind and tender. You are not a disappointment. And I am not saying this because I am in love with you, it's true and-" he stopped, his eyes wide and his mouth gaping. What did he just say? You weren't just shocked. Shocked would be nice now. You were thrown off. What had just happened?
"What?". That was all you could muster. A breathless what. He knew he had messed up.
"All I wanted to do is make you understand that you are not what she described. You are so much more. And then I ruined it, didn't I?" he apologized. Why was he apologizing? Sure, you thought that him reassuring that you were indeed more than what your mother had told you, made you happy. But him... telling you that he is in love with you? That did not just make you happy.
"You just made it better" you confessed and sent him a shy smile. It wasn't every day your crush of five years actually liked you back. He had a shocked expression before his infamous smirk was plastered on his lips.
"I mean it though. And I know from experience that some words can cut deeper than knives. And I don't particularly enjoy seeing my girl hurt. But I know that you are smart enough to understand that you are worthy and if not, well..." he trailed off. His words were thoughtful and sincere. He truly believed that you were better than what she had made you believe you were. Before you could answer, and after he whispered under his breath 'my girl'-you heard it- you felt his lips ever so softly on yours.
It lasted less than five seconds but it left you breathless. When you opened your eyes, you saw a grinning Sirius and... was he blushing? Your lips formed a genuine smile at the sight.
"You know, it's very early and I was thinking..." he began putting his 'thinking' expression on.
"That sounds dangerous" you sarcastically commented and he pouted, placing a hand on his chest.
"I was going to ask you to cuddle with me but since you hurt me..." he stood up abruptly and turned to leave. Before you could understand what was happening, he had you thrown over his shoulder and walked towards his room. You could help but laugh at his crazy ways. You didn't see this but his smile never left his face.