Take My Past And Burn Me Down

Chapter 9

I left the hospital twenty minutes later and finally headed home.

I drove without music and without any emotion or energy. My talk with Cameron almost had me in tears again and I was exhausted with trying to hold it in. What I needed was a hot shower, a bowl of ramen, music and my laptop.

Seven days of emptiness ensued. Seven days of nothing but a shattered heart and scattered thoughts. Not once did I smile or laugh. Not once did I feel anything but a big chasm in my mind that tormented me and never went away.

Day 1:

Dear journal,

Martha suggested I start writing. Her first husband died of an enlarged heart and brain. She understands how it feels to have someone you love dying a hospital. I don't know if Emmett is going to be alright. The doctors said my mom should have lived. But they were wrong then. They could be wrong now.

Maybe I should go to therapy. Should I talk to someone? will they understand? I don't want to go to a therapist. I feel like they haven't been through enough to actually relate to their patients.

I'm not making any sense am I? When will I? What sense does it make to shut everyone out before Emmett is even gone? This blankness is going to take over if he dies. I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk again if he does. I read this one story where the boy's girlfriend dies of cancer or something and he just stops talking. Literally. He uses his phone to talk for him. But the only difference is, he finds love again.

That's why it's a story.

What if I just can't take it? What if I try to kill myself again? I don't want this emptiness to turn to me losing my will. Almost dying once was terrifying enough, but what if I don't have another choice? I've barely been able to deal with this for the four days since the accident.

Can I do this?

Sincerely,

Nina

Day 2:

Dear journal,

It's me again. I'm no better than yesterday. And I probably won't be fine for a while.

I went by the hospital again today and tried to see him but I still can't for another six days. This is torture. I have to see him soon or I will surely go insane.

I talked to Cameron and it turns out that he knows Jasmine and Renee. They're involved with some sort of club I think. I asked him about it and he said that it was only for certain people in a certain area of Northern California.

Sam visited again today and I filled him in on the details, using paper to write everything down. He started crying a little because I was so broken.

I'm so tried of worrying about Emmett. It's exhausting and so freaking stressful.

There's still six days left. I want to get them over its already.

Sincerely,

Nina

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So these next few chapters are going to be kind of short considering how short her journal entries are. Hope you enjoyed and please remember to vote! Thanks for reading 💋