A Crap Story That Seems Like a Fanfiction

I'm Sorry I Guess But Not Really You Chose To Read My Story. #YourFault

My name is Emily and I am worthless.

I had potential. I was smart, I had friends, I was happy. Not only of those things I was fast. Everyone in P.E wanted me on their team. Now I don't even want me on my team. I would rise with the sun! I would run with the wind! I could fly!

Could.

That funny little word. I could do a lot of things. Could as in the past; not anymore. I wish I could go back. I wish I could smile like I once did. I wish I could be enough. I wish I could live with hope again. Could. Could. Could. That word is everywhere it never leaves me. It haunts me.

"Maybe we could go out sometime?

"Yes."

"Could we hold hands?"

"Of course."

"Could I kiss you?"

"Please."

"Could I take a rain check?"

"Yeah is everything ok?"

"Could we still be friends?"

"Yeah we can."

Could, it was always there. He would ask and I would give. Constantly letting him go unscathed. Constantly letting him put me down. I let him take me down so far because I thought that was falling in love. I thought he loved me. He didn't.

It wasn't even through him that I learned he didn't love me like he said. It was his brother. I was at home it was a late night and we were on the phone talking. His brother told me he really wanted to tell me something but it would hurt me. I told him to tell me. He wouldn't. So I pushed him to tell. When he said fine and all of my fears and doubt instantly came to the front of my mind. Is he cheating on me? Does he not love me anymore. What did he lie about me to now?

He cheated on me.

With not just anyone but my friend who also had a boyfriend.

At first I thought nothing of it because they were just friends. I should have seen it, the hugs, the nicknames, the sideways glances they would give, even how she would look at me like I was evil for dating him. The first time I noticed something was up was at practice for drama. She and her boyfriend were in it along with me and my boyfriend. Sometimes we would would all hang out together however her boyfriend wouldn't be affectionate like she wanted. See she doesn't care about PDA while he did a lot. Noah, my boyfriend, is neither for or against it so we would be either holding hands or he would have his arm around me with my head on his shoulder.

One day however while I was practicing with my duo partner in a classroom she was there as well. My back was to the door. Her's wasn't. I don't know how to describe what happened because it went down all so fast. One minute I'm pausing for dramatic effect in my piece and the next you hear her scream, "Noahie!". Then you heard the sound of her chair falling back aggressively. I turned around at the mention of my boyfriend and the large bang and I see her clinging to him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, his arms around her waist tightly holding her up in the air.

His face was elated then he saw me and quickly let her go. I got up and walked over to him. He greeted me and I him. We hugged but it was different not the usual I missed you tight hold but a I would rather not hug you kind of way.

The next Monday my friend wouldn't even look at me in class. Not when we would work on our project for bio chem together. I even noticed how she changed Noah's name in her phone to have a little heart on it.