Death of me : A journey to the afterlife

Dead silence

I'm so cold, tired and the last thing i remember is me Crying over the bathroom sink, with a knife in my hand...and that's when everything went dark and here i am on the bathroom floor...OH FUCK, AM I DEAD?!

I suddenly hear a deep voice answer "Yes" to my question but i don't see anyone however some black smoke started surrounding me on the bathroom floor, it reekes of decay. The door to the bathroom swung open with such force that it made me scream and a tall, dark hooded figure stood before me and that's when i realised i was definitely dead. It just stands there, staring at me but whatever it is...it doesn't have a face, just darkness.

Dark figure : Stand up now.

Me : No, the fuck you want with me anyway?!

Dark figure : I won't ask you again. Now stand.

Me : (Sticks out tongue) No, not until you tell me what you want from me.

Dark figure : You're the one who summoned me by killing yourself...I'm the one you mortals call the Grim Reaper.

Me : Bitch! Are you fucking with me right now?! My dude this isn't funny...suicide is no joke.

Dark figure : (Chuckles) Your sense of humour is refreshing but we haven't got much time...you have to come with me.

Me : Ugh...do i have to? How far is it? I hate walking.

Dark figure : Well, where you're going...the walk is the last thing you'll need to worry about.

What he said made me feel uncomfortable, I'm going to heaven right? I thought Jesus was my homie, brother from another mother...i did call him a little bitch at one point but i thought he wasn't real or at least he wouldn't hear it. Am i going to hell? What the actual fuck is happening to me? As me and death leave my house, i try talking with him but he doesn't say anything so i just start humming, then dancing while walking. We pass my local candy shop and i ask death if I can go in and buy some candy but he just looks at me as if I'm retarded...

Me :Yo...Mr death man, can i please get some candy or chocolate?

Grim Reaper : (Stares at me) You're dead and you're thinking about sweets?

Me : Ugh, c'mon man...I'm hungry.

Grim Reaper : The dead can't have candy and we have to continue our journey.

Me : W-what no candy?! Asshole!

He just stood there watching me throw a tantrum because I found out the deceased can't have candy. We started walking again until we reached outside of the small town i once called home. God must really hate me right now...no candy? Fucking prick! I keep asking the Grim Reaper when we'll be there but he always remains silent...What's gonna happen to me?