199 Letters (l.s)

Chapter 5

The sight of in front of Liam was enough to make his heart drop, and shatter into millions of pieces. There was Harry; propped up against the bed head with his hair a tangled mess, and eyes bloodshot. The room reeked of alcohol. This was Harry's way of mourning. There were so many times the boys had spoken to professionals to get help, and each one reminded them that "every person has a way of mourning. No one is the same,". Liam understood that, but he wasn't about to sit around and watch his best friend drink his life away. He needed Harry to start moving forward. He needed the support around him and focusing on positive ways of healing.

"Harry...," Liam's voice sounds so foreign to him. It's shaking.

He's not sure if it's shaking because he's going to cry or shaking because he's anxious what Harry will do. It's probably both.

"I just need time. I'm trying to process everything," Harry mumbles, placing the bottle back on his bedside table.

Liam tentatively walks closer and sits down gently at the end of the bed. He monitors Harry closely, almost like he's examining every little movement. It feels like Harry might just disintegrate in front of his eyes. Liam exhales slowly. He can hear his own breathing so loud it's like an echo. He swears he could hear a pin drop.

"I'm here for you. We're all here for you. This isn't something you need to go through alone,"

A smile appears on Harry's lips, followed by a sarcastic forced laugh.

"No one has an idea about what I'm feeling. He was my best friend," Harry shoots back

"You do realise you weren't the only one that was around him every single day. There were 3 others as well,"

Liam couldn't help but feel his temper starting to flare. It was something he was losing grip on. He went from being so patient, to someone who could snap at any little thing. It was as if he was losing his identity. Harry sneers.

"Get out. Just get out and leave me alone,"

"I don't want to leave you alone Harry,"

"I don't give a fuck about what you want. I have everything I need. I'm processing and dealing with this the best I fucking can. I don't need you or anyone's intervention. Got it?" Harry stands up, and stumbles a couple steps sideways.

He puts his hand out in front of him, catching himself on the wall. He looks so gaunt. The world spins around him, and he begins to see doubles of Liam. His stomach is growling, but food is the last thing he wants. In fact, he isn't even sure of when was the last time he ate. He's been living off the booze. The thought of eating makes him want to be sick.

"Harry. No one has heard from you! You've just locked yourself away in this place. You can't hide from this. Everyone is fucked up over this! Zayn's abusing pills. He doesn't speak anymore. He has nightmares every single night. He can't live without medication. It's made him a zombie! Niall... Niall's a wreck. He's having panic attacks that bad he's been fainting. He's a mess. I'm a mess Harry. But I'm trying to keep us all together. I don't want to lose anyone else,"

"You know what's funny. It's just so fucking hilarious that suddenly now you care. He could still be here if we acted like we gave a shit. He had no one to talk to. Whatever was happening, he had to internalize it. And he couldn't handle it. He had to pretend. Why didn't we notice? He wasn't okay for so long. Were we too busy with our lives that we forgot to make sure the people we care about is okay? I loved him so much. I was too busy caught up with this bullshit around us that I missed all the warning signs. You did too. We all fucking did. We're responsible for this. WE ARE. So fuck you. If I want to drink these bottles to handle that fact, I will. So why don't you just fuck off. Fuck off and leave me be,".