the art of being troubled || clouis

4 || growing pains?

   10 APRIL 2003

   It was during third hour Art History when the hunger cramps began to worsen. Clementine's vision became choppy and clouded when she didn't focus on keeping her head up. She drained out the chatter of the surrounding kids as if her ears were full of water. Every little movement or every slight effort she put into any school work became an increasing challenge as time went on. What was her body even running on at this point? Hope?

   "Five more minutes on them short essays, y'all," her teacher called out from the corner of the room.

   "Uh—Luke? If we don't finish these before class, can we do it for homework?" one girl asked.

   "Alright, alright," he huffed a chuckle, "I know I said no last time, but I'll let you guys win this one."

   The class resonated a subtle cheer of relief. Luke quietened the class before roaming around the desks to check on his students. He acted as if he believed it when they suddenly pretended to be deep in thought as soon as he came around. Oldest trick in the book. It wasn't long ago that he and Nick were in high school pulling the same stunts on his poor sucker of an Art teacher. And, well, along with some other stunts that may or may not have landed them in detention. When he got to Clementine's desk, he noticed her forehead planted against her table as her blank piece of paper hung loosely off corner. Bending down beside her, he let out a curt sigh.

   "What's the deal, Clem?" he asked low enough to avoid the gazes of other students.

   "No deal," she eventually mumbled, her head still resting atop her desk. He rolled his eyes at her blatant denial, standing up from his crouching position.

   "Alright, come on. Come with me," he instructed, stepping back and hanging his thumbs from his pockets.

   Despite being fairly new to the school compared to the other teachers, Luke had come to realize that soft approaches went a long way with troubled youth. It was essential not to crack under the pressure of a mouthy and disorderly kid; because they ate that shit right up. If you weren't keeping your cool, then neither was the student, and you'd end up being chased around the courtyard by some rabid farm girl wielding barbecue utensils. Needless to say, Luke was aware that he wasn't a very fast runner. He knew when to pick his battles.

   Clementine begrudgingly pushed herself out of her seat and as steadily as she could, followed Luke out of the classroom. Students peered up from their papers curiously, whispering intently to their nearby friends about what was going on. Once Luke shut the door, he folded his arms and stared at the girl expectantly. He hadn't noticed just how intense the dark circles under her eyes had become until now. It was only yesterday that he last saw her in class; sure, she was looking a little tired, but nowhere near as exhausted as this.

   "Clementine," he addressed her, but she simply continued to stare at the lockers behind him. Her eyelids hung low and barely raised to look at him.

   "Yeah?" she spoke in her dull tone of voice.

   "You're, uh, lookin' a little pale. What's up with that?" he questioned, his brows curving in with worry.

   "I don't know," she shrugged. "Probably 'cause I haven't eaten."

   "Since when?"

   "Uh..." the girl paused for a moment, her eyes narrowing in a haze. "It's Wednesday, right?"

   "It's Thursday."

   "Oh... yeah. I'm seeing that Kate girl today," she mumbled to herself. "Uh... Tuesday, maybe?"

   "Wh— two days? You haven't eaten in two days?" he spouted out as he dropped his arms in dismay.

   "I said Tuesday. Not two days," she mumbled.

   "Why haven't you been eatin', Clem? We've got all that health food stuff goin' on in the cafeteria if that's what you're worried about."

   "What? Health foo—? No, I'm just, I'm..." she sighed exhaustively, rubbing her forehead. "I... can't be around the other kids here, okay? There, I said it. I'm too much of a wimp to go into the cafeteria and face everyone," she confessed, speaking her words like they were a foreign taste to her mouth. Luke grew worryingly appalled at her self-negligence.

   "That doesn't mean you gotta starve yourself, Clementine," Luke firmly insisted. "You have just as much of a right to the cafeteria as anyone else does. Don't let anybody scare you away."

   "No, I'm not scared," she emphasised. "No one's bullied me or whatever, I just can't go in—at least not on my own," her top lip curled with displeasure. "They all stare at me 'cause I'm the newbie. I'm the fresh meat. And then my skin starts to get itchy and the walls feel like their closing in, and I just... I have to get away."

   Luke took a moment to let her breathe. This was somewhat new to him; kids around here loved the attention – or persevered through it, at the least. He wasn't quite used to what he was hearing, but it was left to his imagination to wonder what could've caused it.

   "Sounds like you've got some anxiety, Clem," he solemnly told her, his arms folding up again.

   "Yeah..." she breathed, before letting out a chaste laugh. "I'm just so fucking hungry," she continued to giggle. Luke couldn't help but smile at her sudden humour.

   "Have you made any friends yet?" he asked, earning her shrug.

   "I'm not sure. I know Marlon and Violet, maybe. Sarah, but... she bores me," she grinned to herself.

   "Right, now all you gotta do is invite them to the cafeteria with you after class," he told her. "That way, you're distracted, and being around all these people won't be as scary as you think."

   "Not scary," she reassured him.

   "Right," he held his hands up in faux defence. "My bad."

   With concern still laced across her visage, she peered up at her teacher.
"Do you think it'll work?" she questioned.

   "I can't guarantee it, Clem. But if it all starts to go south, you can find me in the art room, alright? You gotta get some food in ya, it ain't good to walk around the place like a zombie," Luke smiled at her, playfully punching her shoulder. Clementine's lips stretched as she gave him a nod. "And— uh, I can give you until Monday to finish that short essay, too. Just don't tell the other kids about the extension. Christ. They'll tear me a new one, alright?"

   Clementine considered Luke's advice throughout the rest of the period concluding that maybe, just maybe, if she forced herself to talk to someone she knew, then she'd have no other option than to have an actual conversation with them. It happened all the time back in Macon; someone would talk to her, and then they wouldn't dare to stop. Once she was trapped in communication, she had no means of getting out without breaking Lee's promise to be good. At least this time, she wanted to be trapped. It would save herself the pain of walking through that daunting cafeteria alone.

   Clementine undressed her textbooks from her backpack and unloaded them back into her locker. In the midst of tending to her books, the girl spotted Marlon out of the corner of her eye. Bingo. His eyes narrowed in at Brody who trekked beside him, his voice hushed yet caustic. They bickered for a short, aggressive moment before Marlon suddenly halted, pointing his finger forcefully into her chest and cursing at her. Clementine froze as she watched the encounter unfold. Brody's lip then began to quiver, and with clenched eyes, she pushed past Marlon and trudged down the hall. He stood there, teeth gritted with indignation, watching her disappear into the horde of students. When he locked eyes with Clementine, he swore under his breath, turning away from her and running his hands through his blond, cropped mullet. Instinctively, the girl continued to put her books away, but before she knew it, Marlon had appeared sheepishly by her side.

   "Hey, uh, Clem... I know what you just saw there wasn't pretty, but uh..." he sighed, running his hands through his hair again. "Christ, I'm sorry you had to see that. It's just been a bad day. I've been losing my cool all morning. It happens, Clem – like it does for everyone, y'know, it's normal. It happens," he continued, almost as if it were more than just Clementine he was trying to convince. With wide eyes, she forced a shrug.

   "That's okay..." she blindly assured him, still befuddled by his unusual behaviour. He then faltered in relief, a grin appearing widely on his face.

   "See, I knew you'd get it, Clem. You're the best," he abruptly spurted, quite forcefully patting her on the back. "Hey, I'll see you in the cafeteria, alright?" he said as he began to jog away from her.

   "Oh, um, yeah... uh—wait, Marlon! Mar—" her hand instinctively reached out in the boy's direction, but he was too quick to vanish into the crowd of students. "—lon..." she slumped her shoulders. "Fucking asshole," she grumbled to herself in frustration, staring back into her abyss-like locker.

   Shit, someone else really needs to come along...

   Clementine began to contemplate the thought of going into the cafeteria alone. Would it be dreadful? Absolutely. But was it going to kill her? Maybe not. What was going to kill her was not giving her body something to run on, something she so desperately wished she would just hurry up and do already. Heeding her hopeless call, a grinning figure had slid into her peripheral vision, causing her stare to deadpan.

   Louis.

   Goddamn it, anyone else?

   "Clementine! Just the person I wanted to see," he cheered, leaning against the lockers beside her.

   "I feel sorry for you, then," she responded, shutting her locker and cruising down the hall.

   "Oh, don't be so harsh on yourself. Everyone new kid deserves some accompaniment during their first few days," he assured her as he followed her around the corner. Was God toying with her at this point?

   "Haven't you heard? Chivalry is dead," she retorted.

   "Well, what about friendship? Is friendship dead?"

   "Along with puppies and rainbows, dead as dead can be," she smirked.

   "You know, it kinda freaks me out that death is the only subject I've seen you smile about," he jokingly confessed as they entered the cafeteria. "How about we stop talking about death and talk a little more about you."

   Clementine noticed the incoming stares from the mounds of students sitting by tables upon tables in the room. Why does it have to be so big? Dread began to dawn on her, almost as if a rug had been pulled out from right under her feet. Fine, Louis will have to do. Just keep talking to him and you'll be fine.

   "Sounds like the same thing to me," she quipped, steadying her pace to the stack of trays near the lunch line.

   "So, what are you in for?" he grinned at her, swooping up one of the plastic, red lunch trays and handing it to her. "Petty theft? Grand theft auto? Unloving to thy neighbour or, dare I say, dishonour to thy parents?" he gasped, pressing his hand against his chest as she let out a confused laugh.

   "Are you always like this?" she questioned, stepping into the lunch line.

   "Like what?"

   "So witty," she replied, "like you're performing a scene or about to break out in song."

   He huffed at her.

   "I think you mean charming and theatrical," his grin widened as he leaned against the bench. "And it made you laugh, didn't it?"

   "...Yeah, yeah it did." Clementine stared at the ground, a huff of air coming from her nose.

   "Then why question it?" he curiously queried, moving up in the line as it stiffy jolted forward. Clementine shrugged.

   "Never seen anything like it," she shook her head. "It's... refreshing, I'll give you that."

   "Hallelujah! She's optimistic," he spoke jokingly to a third person, nudging the girl once again. "So really, why are you here? If it's not too much to ask, that is."

   She shrugged.

   "Well, why are you?" the girl countered as she peered back at him. "I can't see you committing grand theft auto."

   He suddenly chuffed out a laugh.

   "Well maybe if I actually focused in my classes, I would know how to hot wire a car," he replied with a roll of his eyes.

   "I don't think they'd teach that at a school for troubled youth," she grinned, raising her tray and passing it to the lunch lady. "Unless I'm interpreting the name wrong."

   "You're right. Ericson's too boring to let any of that into the curriculum," he declared.

   "Then?" she pressed, anticipating his response as he paused for a moment.

   "I didn't do my school work. I... ran amok throughout middle school, did some pranks that went maybe a little too far, really gave the teachers a hard time. My parents ignored that for the most part. But I wanted to... do things, with music," he told her, placing his tray on the counter. "That, they didn't ignore – my dad didn't ignore," he admitted. Louis' expression quickly became unreadable to her, stoic if anything, as he stared at the ground beside him. The optimism he oozed no longer flowed in that moment, but kick-started up again once he finally grinned. "Which is ironic, really, considering he unknowingly sent me to a boarding school with a music program and a piano that I can use pretty much whenever I want," he beamed with satisfaction. Clementine shook her head of the confusion, regaining her dull smile.

   "Now, all of that I can see you doing. Not robbery or gang wars..." she huffed through a chuckle, her eyes observing him up and down. "God knows you wouldn't last in a fight."

   "Who, me? In a fight?" he incredulously exclaimed. "If this is how you laugh at me in the lunch line, I couldn't imagine what you'd be like while I'm getting my ass kicked," he jived, earning yet another laugh out of her as they moved up in the line. "Now it's your turn, Clem. And don't try to get out of it – I wanna know all the gritty details. All of them."

   Clementine shrugged, letting out an exhale as she retrieved her now full lunch tray.

   "Pissed off the foster mom. Smoking, skipping class, staying out past curfew, sneaking out after curfew..."

   Louis' brows raised in faux surprise.

   "Quite hard hitting stuff," he joked, grabbing his lunch tray and moving aside with her. "No drugs?"

   "Well... weed once, but..." Clementine paused, shaking her head with embarrassment. "I got so anxious that I threw up on the sofa and we had to get a new one," she admitted.

   "Ooh," he cringed. "Alcohol?" he further probed, earning her shrug.

   "Never had a friend to drink with."

   "...Murder?" he raised his brows expectantly, an idiotic, amusable grin plaguing his face. She leaned in.

   "Why do you think I'm here?" she jokingly whispered, raising a brow at him ominously.

   "Welp, you sound like a totally average troubled youth to me, Clementine," he revealed. "So, where are we sitting?"

   The girl suddenly stared at him.

   "You're sitting with me?" she bluntly questioned.

   "Do you not want me to?" his voice quietened, brows furrowing in a slight confusion as he scratched the back of his head. "Marlon was talking about how he hadn't seen you step foot in the cafeteria, so I figured you were just grabbing your food and getting out of here as fast as you can."

   Yeah, try not eating.

   Clementine paused, it was odd seeing Louis completely drop the eccentricity she had grown so expectant of. She didn't know he even had the ability to be serious or feel some sort of negative emotion; this whole time he was just soaking up all her insults and brush-aways with no more than a cheerful witticism. In that odd, unexpected moment, Louis didn't feel a walking stand-up act, it was like he was a real kid.

   "Why're you being nice to me?" she asked, her eyes narrowing with perplexity. "All I've done is be a jerk to you and you just stick around?"

   Louis shrugged nonchalantly, as if her sudden questioning didn't completely take him aback as much as it did.

   "'Cause you don't seem that bad, Clementine. Sure, you look mean. And you are mean. But everyone here is mean. Well, to me at least," he rolled his eyes. "If I hadn't stuck around for the rest of the conversation, then neither would you. And where's the fun in that?" he grinned. "Oh, and I also got to learn you hurled on your parents' sofa, and that's definitely something I can make fun of you for in the future."

   Clementine shook her head, an inescapable smile overwhelming her face.

   "Great, can't wait to experience that, uh... fun experience," she playfully rolled her eyes.

   "And you wanna know something else?" he asked in an almost serious tone, leaning in to get closer to her. "I like a challenge," he quietly admitted, offering a modest shrug afterwards. But before he could reel himself back, Clementine had also leaned in, brows raised alongside her smile.

   "That doesn't sound creepy at all," she whispered, echoing her previous words.

   "Louis! Clementine!"

   Louis peered over Clementine's shoulder to the table inhabited by his friends, noticing Violet signal him over. He then leaned back and glanced down at her.

   "I think that's your invitation to the cool kids club," he smirked at her. "But we spell 'kids' with a Z at the end because, you know. We're cool like that," he breezily shrugged.

   "Creepy to childish in only ten seconds flat. You really are theatrical, aren't you?" she teased as he made his way past her.

   "You bet. Now are you coming or not?" Louis called to her, gesturing his head towards the table.

   In the middle of the cafeteria sat a somewhat settled table of Marlon, Violet, Minerva, and a few other kids she had seen around. What stood between them and her were the crowds of blaringly loud and rowdy students. But as she glanced down at her tray, she figured there wasn't anywhere else she could eat. Dormitory? Hallway? Bathroom, like the miserable loser in every high school movie? She managed to get this far into the cafeteria despite her almost crippling self-doubt. Louis had coaxed her right into the horde of students and she had barely been aware of it until now. So, all she had to do now was sit down and eat with him, and who was a better distraction than, well, Louis?

   Clementine eventually approached an awaiting Louis, delivering an aloof shrug before they took off to his table of friends. She mimicked his weaving through the tables of students and before she knew it, had made it to the table without a scratch.

   "Everyone," Louis began, "this is some totally random girl I found roaming outside the school. No, she doesn't have a name. Yes, I do consider myself a good Samaritan for bringing her in, but it's also your responsibility to make her feel welcomed. I don't know if she speaks English, though. So, uh, try using small words as to not freak her out."

   Clementine grimaced at the grinning boy beside her.

   "Shut up, Louis," Violet rolled her eyes. "Guys, this is Clementine, the new girl in our dorm... Sorry you had the misfortune of meeting him," she said, directing her narrowed eyes at Louis.

   "Your words truly hurt me, Violet," he responded, planting his hand against his heart.

   "I've tuned him out at this point," Clementine smirked, taking a seat across from Minerva. "Hey, Minnie."

   The girl stared at Clementine with exhaustion in her expression, triggering a laugh from Louis as he sat beside her.

   "Oh, this is Sophie," Violet corrected.

   "Huh?" Clementine examined the red head in front of her in confusion.

   "Minerva's twin, Sophie," the girl affirmed.

   "Oh," Clementine blinked. "Sorry about that."

   "It happens. I should just get a new haircut already," Sophie timidly shrugged.

   "And I'm Aasim, the guy who got you out in dodgeball yesterday," a boy from beside Violet introduced himself. "I gotta say, that was a pretty intense game you played there."

   "That was a pretty intense throw," Clementine shook her head in a slight astonishment.

   "Yeah, well, you're welcome for that," he huffed jokingly. "It's a shame you got distracted, though. Rookie mistake," he smirked, prompting Clementine to raise a brow at him.

   "Um, hey idiot? You also got distracted," Violet countered as she leaned into Aasim's view, triggering a snort of laughter from Sophie.

   "Ouch, Aasim," Louis grinned. "If I wasn't mistaken, it seems like Violet's coming for your athletically inclined throne," he teased.

   "Dude, shut up," Aasim sighed frustratedly.

   "Aasim's just mad I beat his face in with a dodgeball in front of the new girl," Violet badgered tauntingly, smirking in satisfaction at her friend. Aasim rolled his eyes.

   "I can assure you that the new girl is the least of my worries," he blatantly replied, twiddling his plastic spork into the peas on his tray.

   "Uh, right here," Clementine casually waved her hand.

   "Whatever you say, Aasim," Violet grinned again, leaning back into her seat. She went back to eating her food, as Aasim rolled his eyes yet again, allowing a silence to settle in.

   "Um... great!" Louis perked up. "Now that that awkward encounter is over with, we can start getting into the real business. Marlon, how's the baseball team looking for next year? We got all our players coming back?" he asked, leaning over his tray to see his friend. With his question unengaged, he watched as his Marlon stared sourly at the table in front of him. "Hellooo? Earth to Marlon?" he called out. "Marlon!"

   "Fucking what, Louis?!" Marlon flickered his gaze to Louis, reeling himself back into reality.

   "The baseball team?"

   "What about it?" he questioned, irritated.

   "...I asked how's it looking?" Louis repeated. "Does everyone wanna come back for the next season?"

   Marlon shrugged his friend off dismissively, swatting his hand as he stood up from his seat.

   "Christ, Lou. Just—" he cut himself off, clenching his eyes shut as he began to breathe heavily.

   Clementine skeptically watched as he mumbled through his gritted teeth. What was there to get so worked up about? Sure, Louis was annoying, but it wasn't the annoying-type of annoying. Everyone on the table had gone silent at Marlon's fit, watching him as he rubbed his forehead and tried to calm himself down. Clementine eyed Louis as he suddenly clicked into action, pushing his tray forward.

   "Hey, let's go get some air, alright, buddy?" Louis lowly insisted, standing from his seat with furrowed brows. Marlon eventually nodded in agreement, allowing his friend to walk around the table and guide him out of the cafeteria. "I'll catch you guys later."

   Clementine's brows curved in perplexity. She totally forgot Marlon was even on the table before Louis started speaking to him. Whatever was eating away at him was starting to break down his mellow, easy-going façade. It was possible that today wasn't his day, like he said. And he didn't seem like a bad person, but she suspected something was a little off about Marlon.

   "That happen often?" Clementine asked, looking to the others.

   "Ehh, no... not as much as it used to," Violet sighed.

   "So I've heard," Sophie mumbled.

   "I'm sorry, y'know, that you gotta see him like this," Violet continued. "He's not usually like that anymore. He knows how to get a handle on his shit now."

   "Yeah, you should've seen him when he first got here," Aasim exclaimed. "That was nothing compared to how he was back then."

   "That doesn't sound like something I should take lightly," Clementine warned him.

   "Marlon's fine, he just... he's still got some shit to work through," Violet solemnly replied, looking away from her. "We all do."

   Lunch eventually continued without any bumps in the road of conversation. They talked about the dodgeball game, the group's more musical members, like Louis and Minerva, and bantered until Aasim had to report to his detention, leaving the girls to sit and talk for the rest of the hour. But after the incident that transpired in the cafeteria, Clementine couldn't help but find Marlon just a bit more amusing than he originally was. Well, as much as she could in between scarfing down her food. When you're running solely on weird-tasting water from the drink fountains, subpar cafeteria grub never tasted so good. Initially, Marlon's unusual calmness for a "troubled youth" was a little unsettling at first. Was she scared of him? No. His pushiness with Brody was alarming, but it wasn't something Clementine's skin crawled at the sight of. However, as it seemed he had trouble with keeping his emotions at bay, could she relate to him a little? More than ever.

   Classes finished and four o'clock eventually rolled around. Clementine was in her therapy session, or as she dubbed it, her 'sit and complain' session, and couldn't seem to get a serious word out.

   "So, Clementine. How would you describe your stay at Ericson's so far?" Kate questioned, pen ready in hand as she sat across from the girl.

   Clementine breathed through her nose, slumping her shoulders ever so slightly as she stared out the window.

   Strange.

   "Like home," she sarcastically replied, glancing back to Kate.

   The older woman pressed her pen on her notepad to write before halting, peering back up at Clementine, and withdrawing it.

   "If you're uncomfortable with opening up, Clementine, you're more than welcome to ask me questions," she insisted.

   "Sure," the girl raised her brows, amused. "Do we make boring recipes in all the Home Ec. classes?" she taunted.

   Kate repressed her urge to deadpan with a tight smile.

   "What do you find boring, Clementine?" she questioned.

   "What's boring to me? Um... let's see..." she tapped her finger on her knee idly. "Uh, waiting in line... day time soap operas, totalitarianism... the guy who reads out the winning lotto numbers—"

   "I meant in your Home Economics class, or at Ericson's in general, maybe?" she clarified.

   Clementine turned to stare out the window again, unwilling yet eager to give her a serious answer. Maybe she was the oxymoron here. She had been stringing Kate along for the last twenty-five minutes now, seemingly unable to get anything of substance out. She had to try, she knew that. But the execution was the messy part.

   "Do you find the school boring, Clementine?" Kate further questioned, reading the girl's softened expression. "It's okay if you find it boring, lots of kids here—"

   "Strange," the girl interrupted. "I find it strange," she forced out as she crossed her arms over her chest.

   "Why's that?" she pressed, earning a shrug from her.

   "Maybe because..." she paused, her uncomfortable gaze shifting to another window. "I'm... not in control."

   Kate's brows raised slightly.

   "Did you have control at home?"

   "...I- I felt like I did, for the most part," Clementine hesitantly replied. "I did what I wanted, when I wanted... Lee would get mad at me, but at least I knew what to expect. A grounding, a lecture, an argument. He was the dad and I was the trouble making kid. Here? I don't know what I am when I'm here. I don't know what everyone else is like."

   Kate cleared her throat.

   "It sounds like you're familiar with relationship dynamics. Certain roles that people play in your life," she commented, lifting her pen from her notepad. "Do you always refer to your father by his name?"

   "He's my foster father," she corrected.

   "Ah, and how do you feel about him?"

   "Lee? Lee's... great. He's a little naïve, maybe optimistic is the word... but I know he tries. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to take care of me than him," she began to smile, before it ultimately faded. "There's lots of foster kids out there who get sent to bad families. You know, where horrible things happen to them, and it screws them up... I just know I'm lucky to have ended up with someone as supportive and caring as... Lee," she admitted, before letting out a huff. "Saying all of this kinda makes me realize just how much I take him for granted... which happens to be a lot," she rolled her eyes at herself.

   "It sounds like you adore him," Kate observed. "So, how would you say you take him for granted?"

   Clementine shook her head.

   "By not listening to what he says," she replied. "Sneaking out, getting into fights, coming home smelling like cigarettes, arguing with Audrey..." she began to wince, "having my music up too loud, not doing my laundry, not changing the dog's water bowl..." she recounted, staring at the ground in front of her. "I... I sit here, and I say all of this, and I can't... for the life of me, figure out how I've done all this to him when all he's ever done is take care of me," she spoke incredulously. "I—I do that, I keep pushing people away when they help me. I don't want to, but it just happens and happens and happens and I can't stop," Clementine breathed, clutching the arm rest of her seat intensely.

   Kate watched as she poured out to her, brows furrowed in sympathy.

   "I'd like to ask you something," Kate spoke gently, crossing her leg over the other. "Do you feel deserving of the kindness people give to you? Perhaps, that Lee gives to you?" she questioned.

   "I... I don't think I do," she confessed. "Lee thinks I'm a good person," she scoffed, "he thinks I deserve it. I think he just still sees me as the kid I was when he first adopted me."

   "Well, how would you describe your younger self?"

   "Young..." she replied, before shaking her head. "Sorry, that was stupid. Of course I was young. Uh..." she paused for a moment. "Naïve... small..." she continued. "Trying... I was trying."

   "To?" Kate pressed, earning a shrug from the girl.

   "Adjust," she responded before sighing. "New family, new parents..."
Clementine stared at the ground again, her brows curving in. "Lee can't have children. But I think he wanted to turn that into something good, so he adopted instead. Or maybe he was lonely, I don't know."

   "What was it like when you first moved in with your new family?"

   "Heh... rough. I was scared, but Lee kept encouraging me to be brave. He's good like that," she grinned to herself. "I adjusted eventually and life was better. They hugged me a lot, they took me places... it was like I was hanging out with my cool uncle and aunt every day. It was good. Better, better than what it is now," her voice quietened, her head lowering as her brows furrowed.

   "You keep saying 'they', I assume Lee is married?" she asked.

   "Yeah, her name's Audrey," Clementine answered, her eyes narrowing at the ground. "She did all that stuff with me too. She was... a good mom," she frowned, fiddling with her thumbs. "But things got harder and she changed. And because of that... now I'm here."

   Kate cleared her throat, her eyes incidentally snapping towards the clock behind Clementine. As interested as she was in finding out who the girl is, their session had come to an end. After verbalising what had been stuck in her head for years, Clementine felt a little lighter than she was when she entered the room. Kate didn't judge her, her face didn't contort with disgust, all she did was ask the questions and let the ball roll on its own. Clementine didn't feel like a whiny child as she expected, it all so organically fell out of her mouth that it was actually revitalizing to somewhat clear her mind.

   "Well, with what we've discussed this session, I think it's safe to say you're a little lost, Clementine," Kate insisted. "However, you aren't the only kid who's walked into a boarding school and felt out of place. It's completely normal to wonder where you fit into a society. My main point being, you aren't alone. It also seems like you need to view yourself in a more encouraging light. You described your younger self as 'trying', but I really do believe that applies to your current self as well. You are trying, Clementine. You're trying to navigate through your situation as well as you can. We've all done things we regret, but that doesn't make you a bad person. Feeling regretful in the first place is the first step to changing your behaviour, it shows that you've come to understand what should or shouldn't be done in certain situations. Whether you believe you're a good person or not, everyone who understands that what they've done is wrong deserves the kindness to help change how they go about things in the future – how they communicate. So," Kate stood up from her chair, "I want you to really think about how you can embrace the ways in which people help you, and what benefits it can have for you and the others around you. And I'll see you in our session again next Thursday."

   "Alright," Clementine nodded as she stood up. "That's... easy, I guess. I can do that."

   "Good luck," Kate smiled as she opened the door for Clementine, allowing the girl out. "Mitch, come on in," she heard the woman say, watching a boy stand from the sofa as she walked past.

author's note: hello! thank you all so much for the comments and votes. this is actually my first author's note shockingly, i used to make a lot of these with other stories i write. i just wanted to let you know that this is the last pre-written chapter i have, so the next chapters may come out a little slower. i'll try my hardest to write, but things are picking up in my life right now, so it may be a bit of a juggling act. nonetheless, your support inspires me to write! so thank you all for that. see you in the next one.