The sun rises today as it does every day, beautiful, prevailing, warm. I rise today, just as I always do, muddled, misplaced, and unaccompanied. Not much has altered in my life, apart from having another sibling that has passed. I do not wish to go into detail, I will just say that cancer has taken another one. Today, I find myself gazing at the early morning sky, where the blue meets the golden color the sun formed. Today, I ask myself, is today the day? As I do every day. There is not a day that goes by that the darkness, the depression inside me tries to beat me down, murmuring sweet nothings in my ear, seducing me into its trap. Depression is not something that shows up one day and is gone the next. Depression is a constant war within one's self, a war against the voices that tells you...you are not good enough. A war that many people lose every day, a war that I lose every day. I do not feel the warmth of the sun, the darkness has swallowed it, the taxing chill of being alone.... slinks up my arms. I find myself asking today "What is purpose?" An answer eludes me, but action overwhelms me, the cuts, the bruises they tell my true story. Look into my eyes and you will see, there is no person there, at least not who I am meant to be. Phony smiles and delicate masks surround me, words laced with deception sooth me, I can feel them all around me, the demons that surround me. Is it now time? Has death come for me? Life is hard...but we all have hardships, people say it's how you handle them that will determine who you will be. Well, when I look at me, I did not handle them perfectly, in the mirror I see the cracks that you miss, in the mirror I see the shadow of a man that once was, in the mirror I can see it, death comes for me....it was always mean to be.
