love's unkind » mcpriceley

𝓿.

// mckinley's pov
    when connor woke up he felt like shit. he really hadn't got enough sleep last night, as most of the time he was over analyzing what chris had texted him. that had only led to him thinking of scenarios that weren't desirable or pleasant for that matter.

sure, connor knew that he was probably  exaggerating it in his head, but knowing that fact did nothing.

really, his night consisted of falling asleep after two hours of thinking because he just wanted to get a break, waking up about an hour, staring at the wall for a while before waking up half an hour later.rinse and repeat the whole cycle. wasn't fun.

when connor first woke up it was bliss. he was in that half-asleep haze where his only thought was: hell no and didn't want to move at all.

then it all crashing down. chris knows about kevin. he groaned, rubbing his temples as he willed himself to not panic.

i can deny it..? connor thought as he walked to the kitchen. he grabbed a mug from the cabinet with a sigh. was this his life now? just a cycle of lying and secretly running off with another man?

as he was preparing some coffee, his phone dinged quietly. reluctantly he checked it.

chris: onmw

god damnit. he sighed once again as he was pouring cat food in a bowl for whizzer. In fact, the brown tabby stared connor down from his place on the kitchen table.

he swore, every time he looked at that cat the same he had the same thought: what kind of name is whizzer and what was i thinking?

yeah, he liked the name but, how did he come up with it in the first place? he had to seen it somewhere because he was nowhere near creative, but who would name their kid that? even if it was some nickname or something, it was still pretty weird. but hey, connor did like some weird things.

no, that does not mean kinky shit.

after connor got his cup of coffee, he sat down at the dining table. he absentmindedly stroked whizzer's head while he scrolled through his phone, really just looking for something to do while he waited for the inevitable.

"you're up early for an off-day." emily said as she walked into the kitchen, preparing a cup of coffee. "couldn't sleep." He responded simply with a yawn. "i guess the same could be said for you."

"no, it turns out i have a business meeting today, which i like, just got notified about a few minutes ago." she rolled her eyes before turning back the pantry to get a bagel. "at least I'm going to lunch with sarah after though." emily sat down next to her husband, not bothering to toast the bagel.

"what about you?"

"oh, it turns out chris is coming over." connor groaned internally. any other time, he would be happy for him to come over but definitely not today. "and by the way, i can drive emma to school today." he offered. they still had about thirty minutes before she would wake up. "it's fine. The drive is on the way and besides, chris."

well, he had tried one way out.

"i'm going to get ready now. could you wake up em and help her get ready today?" emily asked taking a sip of coffee after the question. "oh yeah, sure."

"thanks." she pecked his cheek before starting for their bathroom. he still idled. just doing anything to pass time until either it was time to wake his daughter up or when chris arrived. as it turned out, chris came first. (that sentence, my bad)

the doorbell rang, disturbing the cat from his resting place on the windowsill. "hi." connor greeted, opening the door. there, in all his five foot something glory, stood chris. "hey." he answered blankly while stepping inside. "could you, uh, stay here for a second? i have to wake up emma." chris didn't answer, he just nodded curtly.

after connor was done waking up his daughter, he walked back to find that chris had sat down on the couch, next to the back door. "we should probably talk about this outside..." chris' tone lowered. "unless she already knows?" connor shook his head. the blonde gave him another stare before opening the door. "i'll be outside if you need me!" connor yelled. he didn't wait for an answer before stepping outside.

"why?"

he had to admit that he was tired of the question. connor asked himself the question what had to be too many times. and yeah, kevin had asked him once but that was kind of besides the point.

"what do you mean why? like, why did i marry her? or why don't i love her?"

"what do you think?" he replied, his face morphing into a frown. "i just, ugh... i don't know why i married her." connor avoided eye-contact, staring at the space above chris' head. "for the longest time i knew i was gay, you know that," ever since fifth grade, chris had fallen victim to connor's ravings about how cute certain boys from their school were.

"my family though. every time relatives would visit they would ask flat-out: 'so connor, do you finally have a girlfriend?' and i remember every time i would just awkwardly chuckle and avoid the question. no way they would accept me being gay."

"how would you know that though? it's not like you even came out to them!" he raised his hands in frustration. connor thought frantically for an excuse.

i just didn't want to get kicked out!" true, actually.

the blonde sighed warily. "still doesn't explain why you married, you didn't have to!"

connor shrugged, still avoiding his best friend's gaze. "just, i wanted an easy way out from my family's persistent questioning. when i met emily then she later asked me on a date, i said yes. yeah, i really liked her. it may've been purely platonic and i rushed it way too much. but it was a thing." he admitted, running a hand over his hair.

"you didn't have to marry her though. she doesn't deserve this. we both know it."

connor threw his hands in the hair. "well, it's not like i can change that now! i can't just divorce her when we have a kid to take care of!"

chris pinched the bridge of the nose. "just, please don't go on with your little affair or whatever." he elaborated. "your family doesn't deserve that and connor, you can do better. you'll just have to deal with the mistakes you made. it's what everyone does."

chris' words caused doubt to pour through connor's head very quickly. was he really that selfish? was he really that self-centered, that he expected more then he deserved? that he wanted it all™? wasn't that kevin's job, to be a narcissistic and egotistical fuck?

the other's words cut into his thoughts. "i'm leaving now." he stepped inside, with the redhead following. "please, just promise me you won't do it again." connor nodded miserably, like a misbehaving child.

as much as connor wanted to follow his friend's word, he knew that he couldn't.

~ ~ ~

a/n: sorry that it took so long to update. i was just stuck in that awkward stage where i wanted to write but i didn't feel like writing something with an actual plot?