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6/22/17
"I DON'T KNOW if I should go tonight," I tell my friends as I run my hands over my periwinkle sundress nervously. We're standing in the kitchen of Grayson's beach house and about to leave for the Hasting's house where they are hosting a party. But my insides feel like a mess of swarming butterflies and my body feels flush at the idea of attending. I haven't spoken to Colt since that morning four days ago and if I'm being honest I haven't felt right since then.
I feel off. I feel confused. I feel lost. Not just lost in what my next steps are in the career world after graduation, but now in my personal life and it confuses and hurts me. The surge of emotions takes me off guard and my hands instantly fist at my sides until my fingernails cut into the palms of my hands. I keep them tight for a beat longer before releasing a pent up sigh and relaxing my hands.
"What are you talking about?" Grayson asks with evident confusion wrinkling her forehead as she slips on her sandals. Her sage green dress looks beautiful on her paired with her long blonde hair and tanned skin.
I shrug as my fingers tap against the waist of my dress. "It just feels like a family thing and you all know them and I don't really..." I trail shifting my weight back and forth between my feet anxiously.
"It's not a family thing," my friend assures me quickly waving my worries aside. But she doesn't know what's really bothering me. She doesn't know what's eating away at me deep down in the pit of my stomach. She doesn't know the real reason I don't want to go to the party tonight because she doesn't know about Colt.
But what is there to tell? Nothing has really even happened between us, and nothing ever will. He's barely a friend of mine at this point if I'm being honest, and even the acknowledgement of that has my heart twisting and my stomach plummeting for reasons I refuse to analyze.
"Yeah, the Hasting's have a massive party to kick off summer every single year and so many other people will be there," Hayley calls out from the other side of the kitchen pulling my attention to her. She is drinking a glass of water and my eyes catch on her soft pink satin slip dress that perfectly brings out the natural blush of her cheeks and the freckles that sit upon them.
Grayson grabs her purse from the counter and tosses it over her shoulder. "Plus I invited Finn," she tells me so casually I almost continue to try and back out tonight before my eyes widen and my mouth falls agape.
Shock causes my cheeks to flame. "You invited Finn?" I ask her, slapping a hand over my face as embarrassment flares within me.
Grayson smiles brightly looking rather proud of herself. "He just happened to mention being off tonight when I was at Abbiocco with Cale the other day," she trails nonchalantly with a lift of her tattooed shoulder.
I narrow my eyes, not believing my friend one bit. "Yeah, sure. Happened," I say with heavy sarcasm dripping from my words. My fingers finally calm their tapping as my hands find their way to my hips.
