Loveless Me, Loveless You

Special

"Sorry,"

He wasn't really. Not for her. Not even when the tears streamed down her face.

"I don't really feel any romantic attraction at all," he adjusted his glasses, "to anyone. You're wasting your time".

His explanation never helped. Not that many people had the guts to confess to him. But in the times that they did, it only made it worse.

He wasn't lying. People were just sensitive.

And he wasn't.

The girl ran off with tears in her eyes. Not even giving him her name so that he could forget it.

Pathetic.

Tsukishima put his hands in his pockets and walked back over to where he ditched Yamaguchi. His friend was eating some gross looking fries at the table they were sitting in.

"Why do girls like you so much," Yamaguchi muttered, accidentally dropping a fry and proceeding to eat it from the table—you don't waste a good fry.

Tsukishima sat across from him, "let's not talk about that."

"Did it go badly again?" Yama swallowed his mouthful of fry.

"Tsk," the irritation etched itself into Tsukki's face, "wasn't the worst. It's just annoying. People need to stop confessing to me when they don't even know me, it's pathetic."

"Yeah, it is kinda sad," the pinch server finished the rest of his fries, "if you got a girlfriend they'd stop though, right?"

Tsukki actually laughed, "yeah but then I'd have a girlfriend. Which I don't want. Don't make stupid suggestions".

Well, it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship. He just didn't feel like he could be in one. That would require actual romantic attraction, right? Which... wasn't much of a thing for him. He just didn't like anyone that way. But he could be wrong.

And he just didn't care. He didn't have the confidence for it anyway.

"Sorry," Yamaguchi muttered, sipping at his water with a smile and still adding on, "could be a fake girlfriend".

"This isn't a romcom, Yamaguchi, I'm not going to get a fake anything. Let's drop this conversation." Tsukki picked at his lunch, trying not to look annoyed.

Yamaguchi sighed. No one had ever confessed to him in his life. He sort of resigned himself to the fate of never having someone actually love him.

And it was worse that he was...

In

Love

With

His

Best

Friend

You know, the asshole in front of him who was sure he'd never love anyone.

Yeah...that one.

But that's okay.

He would stay loyal to Tsukki anyway.

No matter how much it hurt.

"You should eat more?" Yamaguchi suggested tentatively, a usual concern in his voice.

Tsukishima's eyes shot up to him for a second like he was about to say something nasty before looking back down and eating more. He fiddled with his free hand, picking at his nails with his thumb.

Yama could tell that it bothered him. Not him being concerned, not that. But something else that Yamaguchi didn't want to assume. Something that made Yamaguchi's heart ache.

And he couldn't help it, his body moving without him consciously deciding it.

He placed his hand over Tsukishima's fidgeting one.

Tsukishima froze, looking at Yamaguchi's hand then at Yama himself.

"Uh..." Yamaguchi muttered awkwardly, looking at his hand like he was just betrayed.

Tsukishima took his hand, a smirk appearing on his face, "are you trying to be my fake girlfriend?"

"Nu..nunu NO!" Yamaguchi stuttered, pulling his hand away and to his chest, his heart beating fast from surprise. He looked back at Tsukki with worry in his eyes and red all over his face.

"... don't look at me like that. I'm fine, being worried for me is lame." Tsukki put his unfinished lunch away, "that kind of stuff is a waste of time anyway".

His hand felt weird. Yama hadn't tried to hold his hand since they were kids.

Weird.

And Yama seemed to know him better than anyone—other than his brother. But in a different way.

Weird.

Yamaguchi covered his face, mumbling something Tsukishima couldn't understand before gathering all his stuff and trying to forget what he just did.

"Im going shopping tomorrow morning. You can come over tonight," Tsukishima gathered his stuff as well, putting his headphones on his neck. It wasn't really a question since he fully expected Yama to agree to this.

"Sounds good, okay," Yama replied, still feeling a bit awkward and very glad Tsukki didn't take it too seriously.

They went to class, Tsukishima leading with Yama almost right by his side but a little behind.

Yama's desk was right in front of Tsukki, which was nice because he was pretty sure being able to see Tsukki all the time would be distracting. He was already distracted enough with the snide comments Tsukki whispered every so often about whatever was going on in class.

He pulled out his notebook as class started, their teacher writing a few problems on the board for warmup.

Yamaguchi swirled his pen on the corner of his paper, making a light depression but without ink. He huffed, scribbling harder at the edge. He might have had a pencil somewhere but this was his favorite pen and nothing was more satisfying then writing out long lines of math in dark ink.

Tsukki ran the back of a pen on Yamas neck, sending shivers down his spine. He bent his head to the side like he was in the exorcist, pressing his palms hard on his desk.

After a second, he turned to look at his friend, a horrified expression on his face.

Tsukki held out the pen, face like a statue and a "does no wrong" attitude.

Yama took the pen, expression never changing, and turned back to compose himself.

Tsukki chuckled quietly behind him.

Damn, Tsukki.

He might be okay with unrequited love if he could still be with Tsukki like this.

There was something so fantastic about being liked and being friends with someone who acted like he hated everything and everyone.

It made Yamaguchi feel special, if only for a moment.

Could that be okay? Never saying anything would be bearable only if Tsukki truly wasn't going to accept the love of anyone. Cause then he'd still be the special one even if they were only friends.

But he could feel that thing in his heart. He could tell Tsukki didn't want to accept never reciprocating feelings. There might be a point when he's ready to actually like someone.

And that wouldn't be him. Because no one ever liked him.

And he wouldn't be special anymore.