Without You // hartbig grester

What's up lovelies?

I just found this *kick in the sarcasm* BEAUTIFUL work of art that I probably wrote about six months ago! I found it in the back of my notebook, and I wanted to get rid of it, so why not just post it on the inter web? Alright guys, love you!

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Here I am waiting at Starbucks, kinda patiently, but not really. I'm getting nervous, what if she doesn't show up?

She'll show up, I say to myself, trying to reassure myself. She has to show up, she will show up.

The only part I believe of those affirmations though, is the part where I admit that I need her in my life.

That I admit that without her, I'm paralyzed. She's my other half.

As I wait here, anxiously checking my Messages app, in this coffee shop, I start to wonder if she needs me back.

I screwed up.

Badly.

What I did was immensely wrong, and INSANE. The only thing I remember was the drugs, and the dares, and their faces, and me blacking out.

Swike..... She kissed me. And she... touched me and... I'm so disgusted in myself. I was so high... But that's not an excuse. The action still is on replay in my head... I should've pushed away. But I didn't.

And now I pay for it.

"Pumpkin spice latte," the barista calls out, motioning to me. I might be suffering from heart stress, but like any white girl, I need my pumpkin anything.

Sorry.

Just trying to lighten the heavy mood.

I quickly search my bag to try to find my anxiety pills. I've always taken them, and they help me not suffer the effects of anxiety. Great, no pills. I would go to the pharmacy, but today it's closed.

We were going to get married. I had prepared pretty much everything, and she had done decoration and gotten Craft services to somehow provide us with food.

It's now 4 pm, and I decide that since I am the only one left in the store, to leave so the barista can too.

"You okay?" She wipes the counter in between us.

For the first time in forever, I don't lie and say yes.

"I won't ever be okay again."

Like Hazel Grace and Augustus, their okay may have been infinite, but something got in their way for infinity.

Their something was cancer, and ours was Chester.

He's a great guy. I have to remind that to myself every day when I think of him, as not to bash him in any way possible. But the only reason she's not here is because of him.

Goddamn it Chester! You were waiting for the one moment I showed weakness, or for someone/something to crush our relationship so you could swoop in and "rescue" the fair maiden from the wicked beast who has no heart.

I make this sound like Beauty and the Beast.

Belle totally has the feels for the beast, but the tall, annoying lord with the gun and long hair always points out the beast's flaws. The beast doesn't deserve it. It deserves Belle.

The woman touches my shoulder comfortingly, and then moves on to her Ford Fiesta.

Just like hers, I reminisce, while feeling my tears trail down my face like evaporative cooling from cups. (AN: AKA cup sweat)