a better sun. || matty healy

0 | mediocre at best.

It's nice to know that when everything goes to shit, racoons will never judge you. They will just haunt your nightmares with their tiny, tiny hands. They might even eat one of your eyeballs, but that only happens if you're really lucky.
I wasn't.
I would lie and say that I don't remember how it all started, but I can recall every single detail.
The thing I remember the clearest is the momental euphoria. The feeling like I was casually drinking vodka with God himself. The sensation. All that I knew at that moment was I wanted to do nothing else but feel that way forever.
Now that I think about it, it wasn't really the best choice I ever made, but then again it wasn't the worst either.
And then all of a sudden there I was - in the car with my mother, holding her purse in my lap while she was driving, listening to music as loud as possible. Avoiding awkward conversations was always one of my rare talents.
I was wearing a black denim jacket, but considering how hot it was outside, I didn't exactly need it. But it was covering what it had to cover.
We parked outside of the Picadilly Bus Station, and I picked out my suitcase out of the trunk. I tried not to make any eye contact with mum, knowing that her eyes are probably full of tears, which I didn't want to see. She was the one to start the first conversation that morning while the lady on the station handed me my ticket.
"They are all very buzzing to see you, you know that Matty?" She asked, talking about my cousins.
"Guess. Haven't seen them in ages, right?" I grinned, hoping that the sadness from her voice would go away for just a second.
Bus for Leeds will be parting at 11.10 from the platform 26; Bus for Settle will be parting at 11.15 from the platform 30...
"I guess that one's for me." I said, reminding myself mentally that if I wasn't doing this for myself, I was doing it for her.
"Call me when you get there, okay sweetie?"
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I think it's now safe to say that it was the worst bus ride of my life. Next to me was sitting an elderly lady (who smelled like peppers and garlic) talking about her grandchildren that she just visited in Manchester (her breath also smelled like garlic).
Behind me, a man that felt a strong urge to lift his legs onto my seat, kicking my spine and kidneys whenever he made even a slightest move.
The bus driver was talking to someone in the front seats and smoking a cigarette, and frankly life flashed before my eyes a few times before we got to Settle.
After I stepped out of the bus, there they were. Two of my cousins were holding a Welcome back Matthew sign. They all seemed way to excited about an 18-year-old that they haven't seen in two years. My uncle instantly wrapped me in a tight hug.
"We missed you kiddo!" He said, with his mouth spread into a wide smile.
"I missed you too Larry," I said before a small creature ran into me and hugged my leg. It was my youngest cousin, Amelia.
"Look Matthew I drew you!" She said with her squeaky voice before handing me a picture of a small brown haired stick-girl accompanied by a tall black haired stick-man.
"That's you. But you have bigger hair now," she pointed at the drawing, and then at my hair "I guess I'll have to fix it."
Eve, my aunt and Larry's wife, was the one to inform me that her best friend's daughter will be spending the summer with us for some confidential reasons.
Fantastic. One more child to babysit.