Don't leave

Untitled part

The atmosphere in Hilltop was dark and mournful, and you were trying to stay away from everyone, isolating yourself. You were a mess of feelings, but you certainly felt out of place. It'd been a long, long while since the last time you had been at Hilltop. Last time Maggie and her little one were still there...you missed her so much, but at least you had the comfort of knowing that she was happy.

After everything that happened that horrible day in which the bridge blew up, taking Rick with it, you had been beyond sad to leave Maggie and little Hershel, but you had felt you needed to be with Michonne in Alexandria, she had not only lost Rick but she was also pregnant. You'd felt she and little Judith needed you more than Maggie.

And so, as things went worse and worse, and as Michonne eventually closed the relationships between Alexandria and the other communities, you had seen some of your friends less and less, no matter you snook out to meet with them sometimes, as Aaron did...Carol, now in the Kingdom, Tara and Maggie at Hilltop, Daryl alone in the woods, Jesus...

You felt a lump in your throat at the thought of Jesus. You had seen him, you'd been told what had happened, but it still didn't feel real. You didn't want it to be real. It wasn't fair. Jesus was a good one, one of those good persons so hard to find now, hell, so hard to find even in the world before. His big heart shone bright, a fighter but also someone who took care of others. He didn't deserve to end like that.

Part of you wanted to go to the cells where Michonne, Tara, and Daryl were interrogating that girl they had brought, one of the people who had done that to Jesus, and just stabbing the girl a thousand times. But you had seen how young she looked, like a teen. You knew that it was your broken heart talking, and you'd regret doing something like that.

Still, whoever were those people, they better went away, because you were determined to go against them for what they had done, and you knew you weren't the only one.

After a while of being sitting down there in the middle of nowhere, close to the back fence, you saw Daryl pacing around, keeping himself away from the others too. The interrogatory must have finished. That dog he seemed to have gotten was following him and Daryl began throwing a stick to him. You smiled sadly at the sight.

All these years, the thought of Daryl had broken your heart, knowing he was alone and brokenhearted somewhere in the woods. The very few times you had seen Tara she had told you that he came sometimes to trade with Hilltop, but she couldn't know when he would, and he never stayed or told her where his camp was, but at least you'd have the comfort of knowing he was alive. You were glad he at least had had that dog to keep him company, to love him.

You wished Daryl hadn't isolated himself like that, hadn't let you all help each other through the pain. You wished you could have helped him.

Daryl and you...you both had been close before, really close. Sometimes you had even let yourself daydream a bit too much, thinking that maybe, maybe, once you all had a moment to slow down and focus on something that wasn't fighting for your life, maybe you could actually have a serious talk with Daryl and try to develop your relationship into something that wasn't only a friendship.

You thought you were making baby steps on it on Alexandria, but then the saviors and the war had made you all go into survival mode again. Then, you had another chance when you went with him to the Sanctuary, helping him through the nightmares, through his hate for the place, through his stress at having not only to live there but also to lead. You took things slow, and now you thought that maybe you had taken it too slow, considering the world you lived in. You never got to really tell Daryl your feelings, though you were never sure if he knew it or not.