birthdays

yoongi

09.03.93
dear min yoongi,,

i close my eyes
let your voice take over my entire body
your words travel from my ears
throughout my veins and to my heart
each syllable allows me to see clearer
i breathe in
cherish the bliss, tranquil moment
that i feel nothing
but comfort, all because of your voice.

i drag my drained body onto my mattress,
the remaining vigour and vitality in my body has been stolen by the passing hours of the day and the endless conversation i have to endure
i can feel the faded purple and blue growing deeper in colour
underneath my lifeless eyes
my spine is tugged downwards by my lack of energy
until i have no choice
but to give in and collapse.
i pull out my phone and ignore the piling up messages
i scroll through my feed
finding no joy in any of it
none of it
it's all empty
a repeated seesaw game
i'm tired of this
my mind makes the decision to click a video
as if it knows it can heal me
it features a gummy smile which i cant help but to return the the glass screen
true laughter leaves my lungs
true happiness lays upon my face and mind
for the first time all day
how do you do that?

i sit at my messy desk scattered with attention seeking sheets of paper
the salty liquid pours out my black eyes
spilling down my red cheeks
my breath being snatched from my throat and forced back down my trembling body
i don't want to do this
i want to give up
giveupgiveupgiveup
no. you said
"don't give up
you can't give up"
i finally listen
your voice eclipses the one in my head, surpassing it and taking control of my body
until i eventually let myself be relieved of the negative thoughts and let go
the hardworking energy you radiate transmits from you to me and inspires me, encourages me, urges me to
keep on going.

thank u + happy birthday, you deserve the universe and more
//
was meant to publish this on yoongis bday i forgot??