That's insane, I'm sorry I fell off the grid for so long. I did try to keep some RPs going, but I just keep disappearing and that's kinda rude on my part. I've been busy since I graduated high school. Just know that I love you all!
Now... I don't do art that much anymore, like for fun. I'll be honest I lost my drive for drawing and such. I have that permanent artist block after high school, that place just sucked my creativity/imagination out of me quicker that rice and salt with liquids. So in an attempt to get back the only thing that made me truly happy and made me feel whole, I'm majoring in studio arts so I can take a bunch of art classes. Figured I'd major in art since my family was forcing me to go to college even though I didn't want to. School was never for me. It is kind of stressful, not going to lie. Due to the fact that because of deadlines and due dates it's forcing my brain to open the flood gates to the dam that high school built around my creativity. Now other than that, I just kind of only do it for the art class so I can pass. At least my class mates that I've had so far are really supportive, we all support each other. They tell me "you're a great artist" and bla bla bla (just know I'm not bragging at all I literally hate my art), but I don't feel like I am what they say I am. Like I have this stupid mental thing in my head that's just like "it's not good enough" or whatever. This little voice started around middle school when I became more aware of the artistic differences between me and others. Anyways, I feel that after drawing for this long and without ever taking an art class up until college, being self taught to the point where I don't think I'll learn anything knew in my art classes, that my skills should be WAY better than they currently are. I know it's negative and I shouldn't think that way, but I genuinely can't help it. I'm sure that's hypocritical of me since I like to encourage other to stay positive and to not be self degrading. But a part of me feels like that exactly why I'm like that with others, because I know how shitty it feel to be so negative and self degrading with myself that I don't want other people to feel how I do on a daily basis. So anyways, that mixed with the fact that I don't have that will to draw anymore, is pretty discouraging not gonna lie... but I can't help it! So It makes me just want to go into hiding again. Like there's no point if there's no passion anymore, But no I'll keep torturing myself to get through college. It's too late for me to change my major anyways and not to mention I'm literally poor so if I drop out I'll have to stress out about student debt.
Sorry for this weird venting thing that just happened. Just thought I should let you know why I'm gone. I'm sorry if you followed me for art, but got a depressed adult with severe teen angst instead. Didn't expect my only passion to die and for life to test me like this.
I'm sorry to everyone that followed me and the ones I became genuine friends with on here. I have a terrible habit of disappearing and coming back like Nothing happened. Trust me when I say it's not just an online thing, my family thinks I've passed away from time to time.
So for my sorry excuse for an apology gift, I'll post my lost passion art that I do for my classes on here for you guys to see. At least the ones I remembered to take a picture of not knowing that would be the last time I saw them...
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