Apparently, I Belong To You

I think of you

| Selin~POV |

Dedicated @Amani55555  

"You signed up for this,"  in a deep voice he answers.

I saunter toward him, upon hearing his words.

" Why don't you just disappear if you don't like it". he groans, clearly displaying dislikeness.

That didn't stop me from getting closer to him.

The moment my hand begins to reach toward his face, he starts to fade. I panicked seeing him fading so soon.

Disappearing.

I double over in laughter from the beautiful illusion I created for myself about him.

These days with Saama out of the picture he is coming more and more in my thoughts and dreams. He is so much in my thoughts that sometimes I can feel him and I can smell his musky manly scent grasping me. Whenever I see him, my urge to hold him grows stronger.

But I can't do that and if I do he will take ten steps back from my one step toward him. I can't do anything but to gaze him from afar. And that's what I do, I long for him from afar. Restraining my heart to limits. I think of him. I let my mind to do at least in my mind I am free.

A rough knock on the bathroom door halts my supposed action when a boorish voice orders me to come out.

I hurriedly dress up into my training uniform, wearing a black T-shirt, the center dominated by a logo of Special Service Group which is a silver sword and golden thunder accompanying on either side. Tucking my black shirt into greenish brown combat pant, once satisfied I started to fix my hair into a neat low bun, cleaning the blood from the surrounding area.

Giving myself a quick glance, I look immaculate.

Turning on my feet, I run out of the toilet in my beige commando boots.

The sun setting low in the mountains, sucking away the light from the sky.  The darkness blanketing the once clear blue sky. Concealing the fact that the devil is lurking around them, unbeknownst who is hiding their true faces. Darkness may conceal one's face but not their true self. And that's what I hate about darkness because it is when my true inner bloodthirsty devil awakens that is hard to satiate. 

It taunts me because I can't do it.

It's agitating when you feel helpless about it. 

Darkness is what I run away from but it always comes back, displaying all my inner faces.

Running toward the survival range I could feel the frosty wind, sweeping from the ice-covered sloppy mountains. Filling my lungs with balmy air, its refreshing and sweet.  And yet, it doesn't soothe the shriveling fear that is slithering my heart.

By the time I made it to the range, I could feel the tip of my nose numb from the cold. On the vast training ground, the members have started a bonfire and surrounded it with dead trees trunk as a seat. The fire crackling and fracking and dancing to the tunes of the wind.

Taking my seat, my obsessed eyes scanning for the person of my undivided attention. Glancing around restlessly to seek a glance of him before anyone else does. He is nowhere to be seen. The sun to my darkness. The light to my life. The therapist to my brokenness. The silencer to my random thoughts. The snatcher of my fears.