Emerald Heart (discontinued)

1

"Kakyoin, it's hot outside, you aren't supposed to wear long sleeves when it's hot!" Polnareff nagged, placing his hand on the pink haired boy's shoulder. "You know, we're about the same size, you can borrow some of my clothes if you just don't have any or something."

"I have plenty of clothes Polnareff." Kakyoin laid back in a beach chair under the shade of an umbrella, watching as his friends frolicked in the pool, except Jotaro, who sat idly in the water, occasionally shooting him a glance. It was summertime, and while everyone else was out and about in shorts and tank tops, Kakyoin was sporting his usual cool-weather attire, long-sleeves and pants.

"C'mon Kak-y, you must be dying in that outfit. Just change, would ya?"

"Why does it bother you so much?"

"Because you're making me hot man!!"

"Polnareff," Jotaro called out, startling the two of them. "Leave 'Mr. Kak-y' alone. If he prefers hot clothes in hot weather, leave him be. Get back in the pool if you're so damn hot."

"Whatever you say Joot."

"Don't call me that."

Jotaro stood up from his resting spot on the steps of the pool, stepping out of the water towards Kakyoin. His shirt was wet from the collar down, falling droplets leaving a trail as he approached Kakyoin. Upon his getting closer, Kakyoin was able to slightly see through Jotaro's shirt, which was sticking to his body, making his already defined abs more obvious. Kakyoin cursed himself mentally when he averted his gaze to Jotaro's chest. He would have to remember that.

"Kakyoin."

"Jotaro." Kakyoin met the other's gaze, guilt slowly creeping inside him. What would he think if he knew?

"Something is wrong with you. I know you're shy and all but I never thought you'd be so anti-social around us, me especially." Jotaro sighed, staring harshly into Kakyoin, although he sensed there was concern present. "Something is off with you. As much as I dislike the idea of giving that dumbass credit, Polnareff has a point, there must be a reason you won't change."

"What? What do yo-"

"Can you not swim? If you change into clothes suitable for swimming, everyone will expect you to do so. Is that it?"

"What??? No! Jota-"

"Do you have like an extra toe or something?" Jotaro jerked the other's shoes off, peeling away his sock to reveal completely normal feet. "I mean, it's not your feet, but they're sweaty, you're clearly hot. You trying to cook yourself or something?"

"I, uh- Jotaro, I-there's nothing wrong with me, I just like this outfit is all." Kakyoin sputtered, desperate to get the curious Jotaro off his back before he discovered anything. "You can trust me, I-"

"It's your legs, right? Do you have some ugly mark on there you don't want us seeing? You know if that's the case, I'll still like your legs. It sounds odd saying it but if you're self-conscious you need reassurance." Jotaro slithered his hand up Kakyoin's calf, raising his pants leg to reveal, once again, another normal body part. "Wow," Jotaro smiled. "Your legs are really smooth, you have like no hair-"

"Jotaro, why are you being so talkative and, t-touchy-feely?" He pulled away from the dark-haired boy, who looked at him with his normal menacing gaze.

"Because you're hiding something from me, Kakyoin."

Ah, he loved it when Jotaro said his name. It made his stomach jolt in weird and pleasant ways. Kakyoin would remember that too.

"It must be on your arm. Let me see it."

"See what??" Kakyoin raised his voice, his left hand grasping his right arm, careful not to grab too tight.

"Whatever you're hiding. Show me, Kakyoin!"

Jotaro reached for the other's arm, Kakyoin jerking away in fear. And that's when he felt that awful tearing-of-the-skin feeling.

If Mr. Joestar hadn't arranged for them to come to the pool, Kakyoin wouldn't be in this mess. If Polnareff hadn't been nagging him about wearing long sleeves, he wouldn't have gotten the attention of Jotaro, and Kakyoin wouldn't have allowed himself to think such dirty things about his best friend who he so longed to be more than a friend. Jotaro would have never investigated, grabbed his arm, and forced Kakyoin to run to the bathroom. And he wouldn't be here sobbing in the empty stall, blood dripping down his arm.

"Dammit Jotaro..." Kakyoin muttered. "Fucking hell." He couldn't be mad. Jotaro didn't know, and he couldn't know either. It wasn't his fault, Kakyoin's skin tore because his sudden movements had jerked open a deep cut he inflicted upon himself, because he had this stupid, horrible habit of feeling wonderful when he felt the pain of digging something sharp into himself while he reminded himself of every little thing he's doing wrong. How he doesn't talk to people and feels like crying when he's upset and how he's deeply in love with his very best friend in the whole world because he can't keep his damn emotions in check.

"Dammit!" Kakyoin threw his fist at the stall wall, several more cuts tearing open and spurting out sickly love, the drip-drop onto the floor only frustrating him even more. His arm started to ache again, the kind of horrible ache that begs to be slit open, and so very carefully, Kakyoin pulled a small blade out of his pocket with full intent to do so.

"Normal people don't get fucking hard when they see their best friends nipples!" Tears streamed down his face as he slit a fresh would into his wrist between the already present and crowded lines. "Why am I so weird?? Normal people don't imagine their best friend in such a dirty way after hearing them say just their name!" Another cut appeared.

"Normal people don't do any of this! Boys like girls! And they socialize and don't talk to themselves or go cry in a dark room when they can't figure out what the hell they're doing. They make lots of friends and don't get horny when they see their friend!" The sobs continued, lightheadedness overtaking him, blood splattered on the floor and no longer was he trying to conceal the volume of his desperation, he knew where this was going. Kakyoin managed to choke on one last agonizing sob before losing consciousness, his strength leaving his body from deprivation of air and blood, as he slipped off the toilet seat and knocked his head against the floor, his vision fading until he felt nothing.

And he liked it this way.