Everything you knew

Chapter 20 Violet

I stumble home in the dark alone. I am actually grateful for the peace and quiet I have on the long walk. Everything that just happened in the last 20 minutes keeps replaying in my head on a loop. It feels like a war zone inside my head, fighting against my feelings for Cole and what is right.

No matter what has happened I still love him. But if he loved me, he would have told me. How do I know that he didn't know all along? What if this is some sick joke?                                            
Suddenly an over whelming sickness comes over me. The realisation hits me at once. Cole's father got in his car drunk and crashed into my parent's and killed them. How can I be in love of the son of such an evil man? with a murderer? That day he made that awful decision to get in that car and drive drunk, was the worst day of my life.

I don't think I will ever get the look on Kate's face, before she told me, out of my head. Kate's voice when she said she needs to tell me something and that we should go somewhere private, but of course I just wanted her to tell me there, in the middle of the party. I'm glad she didn't follow me, as I ran off towards Cole. I needed to do that alone, even though we had an audience of over a hundred people. But I do have a ton of miss calls from her, so I send her a quick text to reassure her that I am okay, well okay as I can be.

A blue car slows down as it drives past me. I quickly whip my phone out ready to call someone if I needed to. The driver's window rolls down and I realise it is Mike.  

"Hey, you want a ride home?"

"You shouldn't be driving"  

"I haven't had a single drink tonight, I promise. You can breathalyse me if you want" 

"I'm fine walking, thank you" 

"It's freezing and what you are wearing is barely covering you" I look down to my black mini skirt and white strappy top. I didn't exactly plan on having to walk all the way home tonight, but that won't stop my stubborn ass from doing it. 

"You shouldn't be walking alone in the dark, it's dangerous. Come on it will be a lot quicker"

I finally agree and jump in his car, as the quicker I am lying in my bed trying to forget tonight or even the last few months, the better.

I wrap my arms around myself trying to warm myself up a bit and Mike turns the heat all the way up. I give him a grateful smile and turn to look out of the window. I don't feel like talking and I hope if I just keep staring the other way, he will get the hint.

Unfortunately, I was wrong.

"What's up? You had a lovers tiff?"

"Me and Cole are over" I could lie and say nothing has happened, but he can clearly see my eyes are puffy and red from all the crying and my voice has nearly all gone. And I may as well tell people now get it over with.

"What? You have just had a stupid argument. You'll both get over it tomorrow and makeup"

"No, we won't. It wasn't just a little argument. I can't forgive what he did"

"Did he hurt you?" he says looking at me intensely waiting for my reply.

"No" I say a little too harshly. I know Mike is just looking out for me, but Cole would never, well not physically anyway.

"Did he cheat on you?"

"No, nothing like that. Just drop it please"

"Well I am always here if you need to talk"

"Thanks Mike" I say and I really mean it. 

He drops me off at the other side of the alley way and waits until he can no longer see me until he drives off. As I walk up the driveway a figure walks out from behind the darkness. I was more afraid it would be Cole than a stranger, but as they come into the light, I see it is Kate. Without thinking I run and fall into her arms. I sob on her shoulder and she pulls me in closer. She strokes my hair, which makes me feel like a child, but it comforts me. Me and Kate stay up for most of the night talking about everything and agreeing that boys are stupid and we don't need them in our lives. But Cole is different. No, I need to stop that, I can't keep making excuses for what he did. I haven't been in this much pain since my parents. It has consumed my whole body and all I want to do is curl up in bed and never leave it. 

And that is exactly what I do for the next few days. I slept in as much as I could all weekend, until Julie would come up and drag me out of bed to do my chores. I even stayed in bed all of Monday. I couldn't face school, the thought made me sick. Seeing Cole was the last thing I wanted right now. It took a lot to try and convince Julie and Gary that I was sick, but they finally gave in. Probably because they couldn't be bothered to argue with me anymore. I poured drops of water on me to act as sweat and started to shiver. Gary looked sceptical, but Julie took pity on me because she knew something had been up with me all weekend.

I stay under the covers all day and Julie lets me. She comes up at lunch time with some soup and leaves it on my bedside table. I have no appetite, so I leave it there to go cold, but thank her anyway.

I turn my phone off, because I was sick of it constantly lighting up with his name on it.

I am later woken by someone jumping on my bed. Something is placed on my head and the smell fills the room. I grab the brown paper bag off my face and pull it open. My stomach grumbles at the sight and I dive into the McDonalds.

"Your welcome!" Kate shouts from the end of my bed with her mouth full of fries. "Even though you don't deserve it though, because you left me today"

"I'm sick!" I say stuffing my face with fries, apparently my appetite hadn't gone for long.

"Ha, sick of Cole maybe" she laughs.

"Please don't mention his name"

"He asked where you were today" she says rolling her eyes. 

"Okay" I say coolly, as if I didn't care, but we both know I do. I give in and ask, because Kate is torturing me by not saying anything. 

"What did you say?" I ask and a smug smile appears on her face.

"That you were at home and didn't want to see him and some other words that I won't repeat"

"Kate!" I whine. I know she is trying to help, but I don't really want her getting involved. This is my problem, my mess and it will make it more difficult if she gets in the middle of it all.

"No, he can't do that to my best friend and get away with it. Don't let him play the cute love sick victim" Kate says. I really hope he isn't playing the victim, because he is far from it.

"I just don't know how I can be so in love with him, but be so angry at him at the same time"

"Well it is his loss" she shrugs.

"This isn't helping!"

"I know you love him, but he should have told you the truth. I have seen you go through enough hell and you don't need anymore. You don't want people in your life who hurt you, you deserve better" 

"Thanks Kate"

"Now you better get your ass out of bed tomorrow and come to school. I'm going to be with you all day, you don't have to talk to him, you don't even have to look at him" she goes on. It's easy for her to say when she is all loved up with Riley, but I appreciate it anyway.