wow i really do not want to go to the beach. my body is so fucking disgusting. why would i even think i could do this? i know i wont be able to without having an anxiety attack. i'm so fucking stupid. i don't even know why i wanted to go. the beach sounds so nice, but it's gonna make me so fucking anxious. i know everyone there is gonna judge me. i don't wanna do this, but i will for my mom, since i can't show any weakness before she asks about it. i don't wanna tell her, even though i should. i don't know, it's stupid i feel this way anyway. this whole thing is stupid. i don't know why i'm posting it. i guess i just want attention
