Tom X Harpoon (This is better than your "Dear Starboy" crap, I assure you...)

Chapter 1: The fateful day they met...

tom was sitting on the sofa after another one of the exciting adventures he went on with edd and matt. he thought he heard someone yelling something about a harpoon gun for sale from outside. finding this obnoxious of whoever it was to annoy him and his friends while they were just trying to relax, he got up and went outside to confront those bitchy little pricks.

tom went over to where they were yelling an realized that they were all pirates, sitting ON a giant harpoon gun. and let me tell you, as soon as tomathy laid his abnormally large, black eyes on that giant harpoon gun, he was sold. buuut... those pirates looked like some pretty spiffy, neat-o, dope, kick ass guys. so, to make sure they'd sell it to him, he tried playing it cool and approached them with one, id say, SEXY strut. when he reached them, he glared at what appeared to be their leader.

"now wut teh fucc are yall doing with miss sexy harpoon gun. can like u guys shut ur goddamn mouths and sell it to me?"

"well, as you can see mister cool guy, we don't have anything to sit on. only this harpoon gun. so, we're offering to trade it for someone's sofas. but like, who would trade their sofas for a dumbass harpoon gun?"

"me thats who," tommy boi replied quickly. "hand her over, bitches"

"okay. can we have ur sofas?"

"yes, you can. and i dont give one if my flatmates object. youll have them really quick, cause apparently i can throw couches through walls."

tom then went back to his house and proceeded to throw the couches out of the door to pirates, so edd and matt, who had went to their rooms while tom was gone, wouldnt notice he was taking them. the pirates then finally gave tom his long awaited true love, the hawt harpoon gun.

unluckily, edd came out of his room to get his 654357th cola of that day at this very moment and saw tom kissing the harpoon gun. edd quickly left the room with pure confusion riddled across his face. tom quickly stopped his make out session he had started having with her so he could explain to edd why he was kissing a fucking gun. but he was too late... edd had already left the room, presumably to inform matt that their best friend was a harpoon slut as well. tom shrugged this off, judging as they'd already caught him fucking trees and sleeping with his bass, susan. oh god, SUSAN. what would he have to tell her? he quickly rushed the gun to his room and told the two to play nice. he got out of there before they could ask any questions. oh tom was a dead man...

tom was incredibly scared. susan was a very loyal bass, that had stuck by him through thicc and thin. she was also very scary when angered. delaying his confession to susan, he decided to go talk to edd about what had just happened. trying to be polite, tom knocked on edd's door before. edd yelled "piss off" from his side of the door. tom took this as a welcoming gesture and opened the door. the moment the knob had turned all the way around, around 654624315 cola cans came rushing out of the door.

"what the fuck edd"

"oh, so im the weird one? last time i checked, i wasnt kissing any damn guns, TOM."

"shushushshuhsh edd, susan's gonna hear you! i havent told her yet, and im worried about what she'll say if she finds out too soon."

"u stupid fuck, susan is a bass. an inanimate object. she cant hear you tom. and neither can that stupid gun."

this made tom angery... "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, EDD. SHUT UP."

tom forgot why he was talking to edd, bcuz he's stupid as hell and probably has amnesia, too. tom then left the room, fuming with no good reason to be mad. edd called after him, "dont forget, we're going fishing tomorrow! be prepared! and NO susan is NOT coming with us this time!" tom rubbed his hands together, plotting secretly... he knew that you could fish with harpoon guns... oh boy... was tom ready for tomorrow.

tom still had a dilemma... he needed to tell susan that he'd found a new lover, harpoon gun. he walked into his room quietly. susan appeared to be glaring at him, she mustve found out what had happened between the two. he started crying. he was unbelievably sad. susan had always treated him as well as she could. he would be a monster to dump her for someone he'd only just met. but then again, he was a monster... so... "SUCC A DICC SUSAN! NOT MINE CAUSE I LOVE HARPOON GUN, NOW! UR JUST A SHITTY GUITAR WHO CAN'T MAKE ME HAPPY!" and yes, he said all of this with two middle fingers up and a smile from cheek to cheek. mainly because him smiling from ear to ear is physically impossible and very creepy, too. he then grabbed susan from out of his bed and threw her by his dresser and onto the floor. susan fell over. (tomathew assumed that this was from sadness, but he could've been wrong.)

tom patted his giant harpoon gun while realizing something... the gun wouldn't fit in his bed. he remembered his plan to take her fishing the next day and decided to hook her up to the boat. after he was done with this, he went back to his room and got in the shower, without susan for once. after he was done, he put on the same clothes he was wearing before becuz he doesnt have any other pairs. he's literally worn the same clothes for like, EVER. he then went to bed, but not before telling susan to go fuck herself. all in all, the day was pretty great for tom. he went to sleep dreaming about what adventures he would have with harpoon gun tomorrow.

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END OF CHAPTER: Next part will be posted whenever I can/have extra time/feel like it. I hope you enjoyed, and YES this will be continuing. Whether you like it or not. Although, if you don't like it, just don't read it, idiot. Also, no TomTord allowed in the comments. OR ELSE. (that's not a serious threat, you do what you want with you lives, I won't judge you making bad decisions.) Don't follow me on insta because everything I post is absolute shit. Literally, if you don't believe me, see for yourself: https://www.instagram.com/___everybody_clap_ur_hands___/?hl=en . (Copy and paste the link, dumbass.) My photoshopping needs Jesus. Thanks for reading and all that. Okay now, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee frens.

(Have some god awful shit I made.)

(and yes, this is what goes onto my instagram, good frens)