Bulletproof // Marco Reus

4. Demons

I sat in living rooms couch. It was two in the morning. I was expecting a call, her call.

The phone started to ring and on the first ring I picked it up.

"Esme.", She said softly. "Where the fuck have you been."

"Mum.", I replied back to her with a normal voice.

"Are you fucking someone?", She asked venomously. "A man answered earlier."

"Mum."

"Answer me Esme.", she said getting more and more impatient.

"Stop calling me. Don't call me, don't look for me. Leave me the fuck alone.", I replied back to her disregarding her comments.

"I am your mother, you don't get to talk to me like that.", she said getting frantic. "You will come back Esme, like you always do."

"No mum. I won't.", I said and hung up the phone.

You see, something is wrong with my mum. She is in a mental institute back in England. She did some horrible things, living with her was the worst thing that could ever be done to a little girl. The people she hung around with, the things she did. The twats she dated. Just her whole life was an endearing mistake.

She calls at least one time every week. If I don't pick up, she will always call again.

If I reach into the deepest part of my memories. I'll always find her. I'll find them. The demons that keep haunting me at night. The ones that won't let me have a normal life. The reason why I have to keep taking pills.

Every time I close my eyes I see them. I see them looking at me. They look at me and they keep getting closer, I can't push them away. I tell them to go away, I tell them to stop. But they won't listen. I call for help but she isn't there, she won't help me. She is at fault.

I lock the doors and hide under the covers but they always seem to find a way in. She won't help me, keeps telling me its all my fault.

I can't call for my dad because I don't know him. The men keep coming, they look at me as If I'm a prize. If I close my eyes I won't see their smug faces, but I can still smell the alcohol. They touch me, touch me everywhere. I tell them to stop but they won't stop. None of them ever stopped.

I finally had enough, I run away. Old enough, I go back home and put my mother in a mental institute. She told me I would regret it. But as of now I don't regret anything.

All I regret is ever being born. Ever having to live those moments. Having her as a mother. Reliving those moments over and over.

But if I take a pill, they seep back into my memories. They don't seem to bother me. None of them touch me, none of them tell me I'm useless. None of them ever knock on my door. They all just disappear.

If you have a busy job you don't have time to think of bad things. You don't have time for hauntings. All you ever do is work and your whole life revolves around a cycle.

Wake up. Pill. Work. Pill. Sleep.

Then repeat. But sometimes if they just can't go away. Then you keep on taking them. Until you can't feel a damn thing. Until you can only feel numbness. In your heart. If I ever died no one would care.

Everyone would just be having a Jolly down in their own worlds.

I tried to drown my demons but they've already learned how to swim.

If I drink enough the images blur and I don't think of them. I don't remember anything. For a while then they crawl back into my mind. But that's where the cycle comes in.

But then they get hungry, real fucking hungry and I can't do anything but to feed them. Feed them those stupid pills.

I want to stop it but it's impossible. They need to be fed so I feed them.

The buzzing of my phone averts my attention to something else. I pick up my phone and its an unknown number.

Unknown:
You ought to buy me dinner for helping you.

I knew who it was. Its him. Marco. But he can't know any of this. I can't let him mold his way inside.

He's playing tricks. I have to repay him back and if its just dinner than I'll do it. But after that no more.

Me:
Sure. How about breakfast tomorrow, at a cafe. I'll text you the address.

Marco:
I'll be waiting.

Dinner than nothing more. Then he will just be. Figment in my imagination. I won't ever see him, I'll get back to working for my horrible boss. I won't be haunted by those eyes. Marcos eyes.

The way he looks at me, he looks at me as if he needs to know more. I knew he was dying to ask me questions earlier. But I wasn't going to explain anything. He would never know. No one would.

I got off the couch and made my way to my bedroom. I started taking off my clothes and changing into some shorts and a plain shirt. I was going nowhere so why dress to impress.

My head hit the pillow and I looked at the skylight above my bed. The stars where out. Could it be true if you wish doe something it might me true. But all your wishes could be fulfilled.

I opened my drawer that was next to my bed. I took another pill and swallowed it, this time I had water. I closed my eyes and fell into oblivion.
- - - - -
A/N: Another update. Tell me what you think. :) I kind of like it.