HERO SYNDROME

❝We're Not All Guaranteed Tomorrow's❞

Transferring my transcripts was easy. It was going in on my last day that was hard. Mikey had texted me the night before and had told me that the last day at school would be my easiest. But judging from the tight knots in my stomach, I didn't think so.

Stella, who had been ever so discreetly watching me from the rearview mirror, gave me a reassuring smile. "Hey," she said softly, turning down the music Max was blasting. "you don't have to do this alone. I'm right here if you need me."

A small part of me, the cowardice part of me, wanted to jump up and scream yes please! But I had a whole pep talk in the mirror, and promised myself I would walk through the front doors of the school alone. It was something new I was working on. Learning how not to be too codependent where I needed to tread alone, and when to ask for help for when I felt like drowning.

This was just a minor step, I kept telling myself. Walk through the school on my own and with my head held high. I could do it.

"I know you are." I nodded, "It's okay. I've got this."

And I knew I did.

__________

When the last bell rang, I walked out of the school with my head held high. I had walked to all of my classes alone. Even if I didn't really make small talk with anyone, it didn't matter. I had done something on my own.

Me! I had done something so simple but so terrifying and nothing bad happened! No triggers, no nervous sweats, no panic attacks.

Max and Stella were already at the car waiting for me when I reached the school parking lot. This was it. My last day here before I went away to Safe Haven. Still, I felt unfinished and I knew exactly why.

Jace was walking across the parking lot. His head was down and I could see his headphones on. I had no right to try to start something with him. He deserves someone who could love him without hurting him.

All I ever did was hurt him.

"You'll regret it if you don't go." Max said coming up to me. I hadn't noticed I stopped in my tracks to watch Jace. He was unlocking his door when Max nudged me again. "Listen, Stella and I need to go run an important errand for her parents. Do you mind finding a different ride?" He asked innocently.

I stared back at him blankly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just giving you an excuse to finally talk to Jace." He grinned mischievously. Then he shoved me and quickly added. "You've got this Nix!"

I smiled, and bravely I walked across the parking lot. Jace was unlocking his car when I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and his eyes widened just the tiniest bit before going back to normal. Distant and cautious. Obviously I wasn't off to a great start.

"Hi." I managed.

Jace's jaw grinded and I thought he would turn around and leave, but finally they softened. "Hey."

Okay, good opening. "Max kinda bailed on me, and I don't have a ride home. Do you mind giving me a lift?" I asked my hands trembling, I hoped he wouldn't notice. Jace furrowed his brows but nodded. "Thanks."

He didn't say anything. In fact, he was so quiet it was like a ghost was driving most of the way home. Then it hit me, he wasn't talking. This wasn't an accomplishment at all. He was really just giving me a ride and that was it. This wasn't an opening at all. Or...he was quiet because he wanted me to say something first.

"I want to apologize." I said breaking the silence that had made the air tense.

"You already did that, remember?" He said, staring ahead, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. "We're taking a step back." He reminded me.