Chapter #11

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I read Victoria's entries after she got back. She also had a strange rock on the table. Maybe it was an egg. I have no idea.

"Mom! Where did you put my Spencer and notebook?!" she screamed at me.

"Honey, calm down! Please! I put them somewhere safe!" I said. And it was true. I didn't need to deal with her after something like Rosey broke the egg and colored over the pages. "And who's Spencer?"

"My egg!"

"Sorry! I didn't want the kids to do something with them. They are under my bed."

"Thank YOU!" she ran off to my room and snatched them. She was acting strange. I had no idea what it was.

"Hey, Victoria? I was wondering if you could take a shower. You have blood and dirt all over!"

"Okay, Mom! Got it!" she said angrily.

"Thank you, honey!"

She went into the bathroom and started the water. It was cold. I didn't have to ask. It's never hot. It's not freezing but it's definitely not hot. It's colder than lukewarm but not quite cold. But I could tell because she screamed when she stepped in. Then she was silent. I decided to keep reading her journal. Then I could return it back to her because I'm sure she never actually wanted me to read it. When the water turned off I set the journal in the room on the bed. Carter and Rosey were playing with Rowan. Tori actually wrote some interesting things in there.

I left the room just before she opened the bathroom door. She had a towel wrapped around her so I could only see her face, but I could guess that she had cuts all over her body along with bug bites. She went into the room and got dressed. Then she sat on the bed and cried for a while. Then she stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. I opened the door but Victoria began to yell before I could leave. Maybe I was wrong about her getting dressed and I just thought she had.

"Mom! Knock! What are you doing?! I'm naked!" she screeched.

"Oh my gosh Tori, I am SO sorry!" I bit my lip and was about to leave when she sighed and looked at me.

"Look, I have to talk to you, Mom," she said.

"Tell me anything."

She sat down on the bed and looked at me sadly. "I don't know if you'll approve... but I-" she stopped.

"What?" I said softly.

"I maybe want to-" she closed her eyes. "I'm depressed, okay?"

"I have a confession to make," I said.

"That was mine. I have depression. I confess."

"I took pills."

"For what, Mom?"

"To have Rosey and Rowan," I said quickly.

"You WHAT?!"

"I took the birth pills to have Rosey and Rowan."

"But you told me it was because the- nevermind. You know what I'm talking about."

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"Mom! WHY? You WANTED to have kids? And a ton of them? WHY?!"

"Because I love it! That's why!" Tears filled my eyes.

"Mom..."

"When I was young, it was my dream to have a big, nice family. And when I had you, I felt that it would happen. And when I got pregnant again, I knew that it would come true. I had the twins and such a sweet little girl. I loved it. But that's when you turned 7 and-" I began to cry, "Dave..." they were big tears now, "he got cancer and then I knew that my dream was over. It was me and you three when I found the pills and I became happy again. I had Rosey and now Rowan. I felt good. Except for Jack-" she hugged me and I rubbed her bare back. "Jack died and when you ran away it broke me!"

"Mom! I love you!"

"Me too!"

"More than Taco Bell takeout!"

We cried for hours. Tori didn't care that she was naked. She didn't care about anything, really.

"Let's go to Gary's," I said, hours later.

"Who's Gary?" she asked.

"Oh, the ambulance driver. He's sweet. Maybe he can help me make my dreams come true."

"Okay. You know you can get married again, Mom. I don't mind."

"Maybe I will," I said.

We drove to Gary's; just the two of us and me and Tori never felt so close. She was skinny and had lost a lot of weight. And we also got depression pills for her. They have helped and she has a therapist named Dr. Spencer. Ariana Spencer. One of the nicest women you will ever meet. Tori loves that her name is Spencer. It must be her egg. Which, has brought good luck to the whole family. That week was the best of my life.

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